Death takes a Victor
by urly
Summary: This starts with Peeta and Katniss about to take the nightlock berries and the capital reacts too slowly and they both die. Strangely enough that is not the end of the story because Peeta wakes up in the hospital and the story follows his struggles from there. Most of the story is about Peeta trying to deal with Katniss death, but it takes some strange twist before the end.
1. The Berries

**The Berries**

"Trust me. On the count of three," Katniss said as she poured the nightlock berries into my hand. I stared into her gray eyes and knew what she was thinking in a second. Could she be right? Would they choose two victors over no victor?

"One…" she said. I had lost so much blood and I was so weak and cold, nightlock or no nightlock I wouldn't survive much longer. I reached over and gave her lips one last kiss. Her lips were so warm, and her breath on my cheek almost burned. "Two…" I said, parting from her lips. I raised the berries to my lips as slowly as I could. Our mouths opened, "Three." Katniss said. My God, they were not going to stop us, we were going to die. Good-bye Katniss, my one and only love. The berries tumbled into my mouth. Our eyes locked on each other, as I knew the berries were now in both of our mouths. I bit down, the juice bitter on my tongue. I heard Claudius Templesmith blare out, "Stop! Stop! I present to you both winners of the 74th Hunger Games, the tributes from District 12, Peeta Mellark and Katniss Everdeen!" And as we heard the trumpets sound and the crowds scream, we fell together hard. I couldn't see – I was blind – but I still could feel Katniss as we tumbled to the ground. I used the last of my strength to pull her close and feel her warmth one last time, and then it all went black.

I felt I was swimming in an empty black sea. There was no time here to measure, nor was there any land to be found. Slowly, I became aware of sounds, beeps of instruments and hum of lights. I felt the warmth and weight of a blanket on me. I was alive! I struggled to open my eyes.

"Peeta, don't open your eyes," Katniss said into my ear.

"Oh, Katniss you're alive! Are you okay?"

"I'm okay, but please keep your eyes shut."

"Why can't I see you?" I asked.

"Not now. Peeta, we are in a hospital below the training center. The doctors are working on you to make you healthy again." I felt her hand grab hold of mine. Her hand was so warm and soft, it was a shock to my system. She moved her head so close to my face that I could feel her breath against my skin. I could smell her hair. Not the smell of the cave, but like before when she was healthy. I was so relieved that I couldn't help but start crying, the tears rolling down my cheeks. Soon I heard her sobs and felt her tears on my face. "Oh, Katniss I was so afraid you died."

"It's okay, please, Peeta, it's okay. Don't cry anymore. You're making me cry too." She pressed her cheek to mine, and I felt her arms wrap around me, holding me tight. We stayed together like this for a while, until I stopped crying.

"Katniss why don't you want me to see you?" I asked, still curious why she wouldn't let me. I wanted to see her face again so badly.

"Not now. Peeta, I 'm afraid for my family. Do you love me?"

"You know I do."

"If you swear to take care of my family and protect them, I'll never leave you."

"Katniss, there need be no deal. I'll protect them."

"Swear. Swear on your love for me," Katniss insisted.

"I swear." I said.

"Then I swear I'll never leave you. It is done."

"Can I see you now?" I asked.

"No. I'm so tired, I need to sleep." I felt her lift the blanket off me and a cold chill rushed over my body. Then I felt her warm body cuddle next to me. The smell of her body was such a comfort. Her hands lay on my chest and her fingers explored my chest muscles for a minute. "Katniss, why don't you want me to see you?"

"Shh, let us just sleep for a while." The excitement of her being with me, and her promise of staying with me had me so excited. I didn't think I would ever sleep again. For the longest time I lay there enjoying the feeling of her next to me, the rhythms of her breathing, the beating of her heart; this was my heaven. After a while her breathing began to deepen, and she cuddled even deeper as she truly slept. A long time later I finally fell asleep too.

When I awoke, her warmth was gone. I reached around for her, unwilling to open my eyes, knowing she didn't want me to. "Katniss where are you?" I asked. I noticed there was something holding me in the bed, some kind of restraint. "Katniss where are you?" I repeated again and again with an increasing panic. Finally I opened my eyes. I was in a large, round, well lit room with many instruments and no apparent doors. I was on a bed in the middle with a wide restraint around the middle of my body. I was naked except for a sheet on top of me. "Katniss where are you?" I was now yelling, afraid of what had happened. What could have happened?

A door appeared in the wall and Haymitch appeared. He looked almost as bad as the day we first met. He must have been drinking hard again.

"Hey, boy, how are you feeling?" Haymitch said through a fake smile.

"Not bad, but where is Katniss?"

"We will get to Katniss in a minute. I want to talk about you for a minute." He sat down on the bed next to me, but I was persistent. I wouldn't stop asking for her.

"Where is Katniss?" My voice was now rising.

"You were in pretty bad shape when they took you out of the arena. You almost didn't make it.

I was now getting annoyed. He was ignoring the question. "I'll tell you what. Why don't you tell me where Katniss is?" Haymitch looked up into the corner of the room. There must have been a camera there. A look came over Haymitch's face, one I didn't recognize: something dramatic. "Peeta… they couldn't …she is …Peeta, what is the last thing you remember?"

"We were in the arena, we took the berries, they declared us victors, I woke up here, Katniss came and talked to me, and then you came."

Haymitch's face went blank. "Katniss talked to you?"

"She was all worried about her family. I promised to protect them and I held her till I went to sleep."

Haymitch's face looked pained as he said softly, "Peeta, she didn't make it. She was dead before they even reached her." I was in shock. How was that possible? I talked to her. I mean, I didn't see her, but I heard her voice, I felt her body next to mine. He was lying. She wasn't dead!

"NO! NO! NO! She was here! I…I talk to her. I touched her! I could smell her. Hell, I still smell her on these sheets." What did they think they were doing, lying to me? Katniss was alive! I was pulling against the restraint, and with my strength coming from my rage the restraint gave way. I rolled off the bed. I knew I was going to get up, and I was going to kill Haymitch. But instead I fell over to the right, and hard. It was then I notice my right leg ended with a knot of skin held together by some scary looking stitches, a couple of inches below my right knee. All I could do was stare at what used to be my right leg while people rushed around me and stabbed me with needles, and then the world went black.


	2. Picture of Katniss

**Picture of Katniss**

Now they awoke me periodically to offer me food and sent me a psychologist. I didn't eat and I didn't talk. With all the drugs I received and no windows to stare out of I lost track of time, not that it mattered. Nothing mattered anymore.

I was not sure how long this was to go on, but it seemed forever. Sometimes the Avox girl showed up and tried to feed me, sometimes Haymitch and even Effie came by and tried to start a conversation with me. All the drugs they used made me feel so unusual – sometimes I couldn't stop laughing, sometimes I couldn't stop crying, but I never talked.

They fitted me with some weird mechanical leg. I could move the ankle, just like a real ankle, and I did that for a while.

They wanted me to try walking, but I refused.

Then one day Haymitch came to my room. He came to my bed and unhooked my restraints. I sat up on the bed, confused at his intentions.

Haymitch visibly gathered himself up to tower over me. "Well boy, you have decided life isn't worth living. It took you long enough to figure that out. But while you sit there feeling sorry for yourself, I thought I would come and see how much more miserable I could make you. You know, 23 people died terrible deaths in that arena, and they all wanted to live. And the only asshole to make it out doesn't want to live at all. I'll bet they're all getting a laugh at that. Or how about this one – a boy falls madly in love with a girl who couldn't care less and whose only thought is getting home to her sister so she won't starve. I hope you knew that every time she kissed you, I got some poor sap to pay for another parachute, because _she_ knew that. How about, I bet you thought if you both survive she would marry you. You would have a dozen rug rats, and live happily ever after. She never told you she never planned to marry and she definitely never planned to have any children. Romantic love just didn't register with her. Face it, kid, she owed you a debt, and that was you big in with her. Yeah, you're right kid – life _sucks_."

In a moment I was on my feet ready to fight. I started falling over again and again as I tried landing a punch on Haymitch. I just didn't know how to work my new leg.

"Hey boy, maybe if you practiced once in a while with that leg I might be in some kind of danger right about now," Haymitch said as he easily dodged my attacks.

"You are wrong! You are dead wrong! She may not have known her own feelings well, but she loved me, she did!" I yelled.

"Maybe she did, but she is gone now!" Haymitch said with a sudden sad face. With that last verbal blow I lost all my steam and fell to the floor. I just cried my eyes out. Haymitch sat next to me on the floor, put his arm around me and pulled a bottle from his vest. We both sat there sharing the bottle.

"Why am I alive?" I whispered.

"I don't know kid. Hell, I never figured out why I 'm alive." When the bottle was empty he picked me up and helped me back into my bed.

"Boy, I have been a mentor for 24 games and led 47 great kids to their deaths. You are right, life sucks. But boy, you are my first….my first success. You are going to live or I'm going to kill you," Haymitch said with no sign of irony. He left and his words rang in my ears until I understood that it was an offer, not a threat. He wanted me to know I had a way out, if I wanted it. I wondered how many times he had dreamed of a way out.

The night was full of dreams. I dreamt of Katniss. I relived every moment I knew her, every word, and every motion of her face. When I got to the part where she took the berries, there were two of me standing before Katniss. One Peeta was about to take the berries and other Peeta yelled at the first. "Don't let her do it!"

As I awoke, I rolled over. They mustn't have redone the restraint. My arm touched a belly. I felt it rise and fall slowly. I heard someone breathe, and I smelled Katniss's hair. I lay perfectly still, scared that anything I did might break the spell. I was crazy, but right now I didn't care. After a long time I couldn't help myself; my hand started to wander. I felt her little slot of a belly button. My hand moved up to feel her floating ribs and I started counting them.

"You know I'm awake." Katniss said. As my hand shot back to my side.

"Sorry, can I open my eyes?"

"No, please don't," Katniss replied.

"You are just in my head, aren't you?" I asked. It wasn't much of a question. I wanted to believe she was real, that she was here with me, but what Haymitch had told me had changed everything.

She grabbed my hand, laying it on her breast. It was so impossibly soft, but colder than the rest of her, almost chilled. And in the middle of the breast was a little rock hard nipple, slowly moving up and down with each breath.

"Katniss, how is this possible, you are…you are't here."

"I don't know. But Peeta I need you to believe in me, please. Listen, Peeta, I can prove I am who I say I am. Ask someone about when you killed the girl from district 8, by the camp fire. I was there and you didn't know that."

"You saw that?" I said suddenly, ashamed of her seeing me kill.

"I was in a tree right above your heads." Katniss answered.

"Why can't I see you?" I asked.

"I may still be Katniss, but I'm different. I guess I'm technically not human any more, but I'm still Katniss."

"Did you hear what Haymitch said to me?" Katniss rolled away; I wasn't touching her anymore. I could feel her lying on her side on the edge of the bed.

"He said you had faked it. He said you didn't love me, that it all was for the cameras."

Katniss' voice cracked as she answered. "Peeta, what do you want from me? I didn't just offer everything for you, I gave it all. I don't know anything about love. I don't know _how_ to love. Every ounce of my being has been given to keep my family alive; I would do anything to protect them, anything! But in the end, I had a choice to make and I chose to risk them for you. And Peeta, remember I have promised to stay with you forever. What would you call it when someone gives all and promises to stay forever?"

"Love I guess." We just lay there, not talking for the longest time. In my heart I knew she loved me even if she didn't, but it hurt to think she didn't feel the same romantic way about me.

"If we both had survived, you wouldn't have married me, would you?" I asked.

She paused. "No. Haymitch was right. I had already decided never to marry or have children, but Peeta, you and I would always be together in one form or another. Maybe we would be lovers, I'm certain we would be friends, and I would never suffer you any harm." I could hear her crying, but we had both run out of words. After a while, I rolled over and cuddled her. I felt her cool butt? and back. I felt her body jerk as she sobbed. I held her hand and pushed my pillow under her head.

"Please, don't cry anymore." I said.

"Peeta, you need to get out of here. You promised to protect my family. You can't stay here."

"They think I'm crazy, because I talk to a dead girl."

"Peeta, it is still just a game remember, if you don't play along our families will suffer! Please Peeta, just play along, okay?"

I made my peace with my insanity and said, " Okay, I will. I will do my best sane person impersonation, but I want to see you."

"Peeta, you are a good artist, right? I'll tell you what: I will pose for you tonight, late tonight."

We lay there and for a long time and just talked. She told me the true story of Prim and Lady. I told her about how the star-crossed lover bit was my idea, and how Haymitch almost choked to death when I told him what I wanted to do.

Next thing I knew, the Avox girl was trying to wake me. She had a bowl of soup in her hands. Katniss was gone, like she was never here and I guess that was right. Maybe she was just in my head, but it was Katniss in my head, not some imaginary part of me.

After that I started talking to the doctors and eating the food. Later I asked them to help me practice with my new leg. The nurses and doctors seemed content, and I even joked a little with them.

An hour later I asked one of the doctors for charcoals and a large pad of drawing paper, to give me something to do. When he came back I drew his picture for him and then I drew all the nurses. They all got a kick out of it, but I was really practicing to draw Katniss. I couldn't wait to see Katniss!

Then a nurse came by and turned out the lights. I felt so excited. Katniss had only appeared when I was about to wake up, so I tried to get some sleep. But how could I when I was so eager? Lying there in the dark, I argued with myself.

Part of me said Katniss must have been a dream or an illusion. She was just part of me, but I couldn't convince myself. I lay there counting and counting until I finally fell asleep somewhere above 900.

I woke with a start. The room was deep black and I could only see a few blinking lights from the instruments. I could feel someone moving around in my room, and something moving in front of the lights.

"Katniss, is that you?" I asked, but there was no reply. I could feel a cool breeze on my back and I shivered. When I gazed into the dark, I could barely make out two eyes looking back. Slowly, I could make out a face behind the eyes.

"Hi, Peeta. Are you ready to draw me?" Katniss' voice seemed to drift across the room.

"My God, I had forgotten how beautiful you were." Katniss did a small roll of her eyes. "Peeta, you are always trying to sweet talk me. Just draw my picture." I really couldn't see what she was wearing – only her face was in sight. I pulled over what I guessed was a heart monitor and used its feeble light to see the charcoals and paper. I started drawing immediately.

"You never trusted me did you? You always thought what I said was a trap, didn't you?" I said as my hands carefully started drawing.

"Yes, at first. Well, I guess for a long time I felt that way. I certainly didn't believe you loved me from the time you were 5 years old."

"But you believe me now, right?"

"Yes, Peeta I finally see you as you really are." We talked for hours as I worked on my drawing. When morning came I found I had fallen asleep, but the picture was done. Looking at the picture I couldn't believe the work of art I had created. It was more exquisite than anything I had ever done. Katniss in the picture wasn't the starving girl I knew in the cave, but the healthy girl I knew before. She seemed so strong, intelligent, and determined in the picture.


	3. Crowning the Victors

**Crowning the Victors**

Over the course of the next few days I looked so normal it was scary. I still needed a cane, but I was getting around pretty well. I told the doctors I knew Katniss was dead and, while I was still very sad, I knew I would survive. They all seemed very pleased with me and my efforts to recover.

Soon the day for the ceremony had arrived and Portia showed up with a black suit for me. It was really a lovely suit. I was so glad that it was a somber color that fit my mood and didn't force me to act like things were normal. In keeping with the fire theme, it had some marvelous sheen on it that flashed yellow and red in direct light.

My crew, along with Portia, went to the training area and caught an elevator leading to the penthouse. The whole place seemed empty – no guards, no trainers, and no tributes. In the penthouse they prepared me. After I put on my suit, I sneaked into Katniss' old room and just looked around, only to find there was nothing of hers in the room.

We went to the stadium for the Victory Ceremony. As I walked down the long, dark hall underneath the stage I could hear the roaring of the crowd.

At the end of the hall Haymitch was waiting for me. His face changed when he saw the somber expression on my face and he knew I was in no mood for an upbeat message.

Haymitch took my shoulders and said, "Peeta, you gave it your all, you held nothing back, and the fact that Katniss didn't make it is not your fault. Don't become like me. Don't let your losses haunt you. I'm sure Katniss would have liked to think your knowing her somehow made you stronger."

"Katniss did make me stronger. I know you are worried about me and you think I have become unhinged, but it isn't so. Remember I was one of the weakest to enter the arena, I was the one who knew he wouldn't make it, yet here I stand. I survived over them all because I wasn't even thinking of myself. I was driven by love, and that is much stronger than fear."

Haymitch grabbed me and whispered in my ear, "Peeta, you and Katniss have become some kind of fascination with the people and the President doesn't like it. I'm not sure what you should do, but be on your guard, okay?"

Instead of letting go he paused for a long time, then, "Peeta, you should know… they operated on your brain. When I first saw you, you still had the scars. I 'm not sure what they did but all your original doctors are dead now. One of the nurses told me what they did to save you was illegal, but she didn't say what it was." He let go of me and quickly turned and went down the hall. He didn't want to give me a chance to say anything.

Above me I could hear the anthem play and Caesar greeting the crowds. I searched the dark corners of the hall, half-expecting Katniss' gray eyes to peer out. Then I heard my prep team being announced and the roaring of the crowd. I had a nervous feeling and in my head I called for Katniss to come.

Then Effie was announced and the crowd's chanting grew even louder. _Please, Katniss, I need you with me, this is going to be so hard_. I then heard them call Haymitch and the crowd stomped and screamed, positively shaking my bones. I heard a speaker in the hall telling me to prepare, and I centered myself on the elevator.

My knees were shaking and I leaned even harder on my cane.

The elevator started up and I thought I would throw up. The elevator broke through the trap doors onto the set, where Caesar shouted my name. The crowd went wild. It was a bright summer's day and the huge crowds stretched out before the stage.

There were so many people, thousands just lining up from the stage back. As I took my first step, the one lone dark cloud moved over the sun and the stage went dark. Between my shaking knees and my nausea, I moved slowly, leaning hard on my cane. To those in the audience I must have looked like an old man. My jet black suit made it hard to see, but every time a light hit the suit, great licks of red and yellow fire jumped across the suit.

As I hobbled across the stage, I heard more and more of the clapping end. I missed my mark where I should have turned to sit and walked slowly to the very edge of the stage. I stared out over the crowd, half-expecting to see Katniss in the crowd. I scanned their faces and they just stopped cheering. I finally turned around and sat in my chair just as the cloud passed and once again the day was luminous.

Though it was not on purpose, I knew from now on this whole day, which Snow meant to be a celebration, was going to be a wake. When they began the review tape I knew I was in for three hours of pure pain.

They started at the beginning with the reaping, the parade, and the training. Every tribute received some screen time, but Katniss and I had the lion's share. For the first time I saw all that Katniss went through before the rules change, and sure enough there she was in the tree when I killed the girl from District 8.

Maybe I was not so crazy after all. I also saw how I tried to mislead the careers about Katniss' abilities and strategy, me fighting Cato to protect Katniss, and my retreat to the river. So even though I was the Victor, my own story kept pointing back at Katniss. She became the center of the story.

Watching Katniss and Rue join together was very hard, because I knew how it would end. Rue really had been a beautiful child. I had to say watching, the explosion that destroyed all the Career's supplies was the best part, and got a lot of crowd applause. When we arrived at Rue's death and Katniss' beautification of the body I was so proud of Katniss that it almost overcame the sadness of the moment. The crowd got noticeably quiet during this whole section.

The cave scenes were next, which brought back so many memories. I had to fight not to cry. When I saw what Katniss had to go through to get me the medicine, I really thought I was about to lose it.

When Cato died the filmmaker did something new, something radical – he started cutting away to groups of people in the city. From there, the screen split with random groups of people on one side and our story on the other. For the first time, I saw the sheer joy many had when it seemed we had won. People where hugging one another and all the young girls were crying.

And then they showed the rule change and you could see everyone stop, as if the whole city was holding its breath. I couldn't believe the government allowed these images and I became concerned for the life of the film's editor. It was almost over when the most anguishing part came. The crowd was noticeably quiet when we relived the last moments of Katniss' existence.

When it showed us putting the berries in our mouths, it seemed as if the whole city was screaming at their screens. Claudius announced us both as the winners. We both fell together and you could see me pull her close. We ended up looking like we were just spooning each other on the ground, both obviously dead.

They came to retrieve our bodies and you could see the doctors in the shuttle, working on our bodies. Katniss and I were on two beds, side by side, as dozens of doctors buzzed around us.

You could see the head doctor's mouth and read his lips as he said, "I'm calling it. At 11:22 they are both dead." Claudius announced that we were both dead. The screen went blank, and on our side there were a series of images of people just staring at their screens in terrified shock.

Then Claudius came on the screen and announced, "Peeta Mellark is alive and is the 74th annual Hunger Games victor!" I had never seen anything like it. I didn't think anyone had. I was dead…I was dead for something like an hour. What happened in that hour?

_Katniss, where are you? Why did you let me go through this alone? I feel so alone up here._

When I stood up at the end of the film the whole crowd stood up with me. The anthem sounded again, and from behind the stage came President Snow, followed by a small girl with a crown on a pillow. He greeted the crowd and placed the crown on my head. At first I saw the anger in his eyes as he forcibly placed the crown on my head.

As he looked into my eyes he saw something, I didn't know what, but suddenly I could see the fear in his eyes as he almost stumbled back. He presented me to the crowd and quickly as possible, left the stage.

I knew from President Snow's actions that I would need allies. I would need to use every bit of my charm and every bit of the people's sympathy to get through this. If I was going to protect the Everdeen family, I would have to make the option of attacking me politically impossible.

Maybe if I acted strong enough he would seek me out as an ally. We would see. I had come up with a terrible scheme. I would have to manipulate the people's better feelings and convert Katniss from a person into a symbol.

After the show I asked for Effie to get my picture of Katniss, and with it in hand we went to the presidential mansion for the Victor's Banquet. At the banquet everyone wanted to talk to me and get their picture with the new Victor, as they do every year. But unlike every other year, they also gave their condolences. It all had the air of a funeral.

I did the best I could to work the crowd and charm each one the best I could. I measured each up as fast as possible, so I didn't waste time with people who had no influence, and when I thought they could be useful Effie made a note.

Most of the people came and went, but a group of women formed that just hung around me. In the group I discerned two different types, those who were mourning Katniss and who really wanted to have her bravery and determination, and those whose heart broke for the star-cross lover survivor. It was also obvious that many of them thought my story was so romantic they couldn't resist me. The hunger in some of their faces was disturbing. I hoped I won't have to play that card.

Eventually I met Livia Stone, who seemed to be the pinnacle of society from the others' reaction to her. She was an elderly woman in a dark purple dress, so dark it almost looked black. We began conversing about art, of which she was an obvious admirer and a major patron.

I brought out my picture of Katniss and shared it with her. She fell all over herself to praise it. She offered to set up a show for my artwork whenever I was ready. Livia sent her servant to get a frame for the picture and a stand.

As soon as the picture was up people started gathering around it. Without any planning or forethought, things began to happen. People started placing flowers all around the picture, and someone got a big piece cardboard and placed it next to the picture. People started writing small notes on it. Some of the notes were simple condolences; others were notes on their favorite memory of Katniss. Many mentioned her bravery in the reaping and in the game. Some talked of her beauty in the parade and interview.

When I finally told Effie I was too tired to continue, the sun had just risen below the horizon. In just a couple of hours we would be preparing for the interview with Caesar.

Katniss had not made an appearance all day and I began wonder if something was wrong, or if something was somehow right. Maybe I was under some kind of delusion, and it suddenly disappeared. But if it was a delusion, it was one hell of a delusion.

We returned to the 12th floor of the training center, just one last time. I told Effie I wished to sleep only a couple of hours and I that I wished to sleep in Katniss' old bed. Effie's eyes watered and she embraced me.

Then,she handed me Katniss' Mockingjay pin. "I was going to take this back to Katniss' family, but I think it would be better if you gave it to them."

"Thanks, it ...well, thanks."

I went into Katniss' old bedroom, holding the pin tightly in one hand, and lay down in the dark. "Please Katniss, please talk to me." I whispered to the room. I needed to fall asleep. I lay there as still as possible, counting in my head. Many hours later Effie came in to tell me we needed to prepare for the interview. I had not slept at all.


	4. Render on to Caesar

**Render on to Caesar**

In our living room I saw the technicians set up for the interview. I held my picture of Katniss in its new frame and set it down by the chair that I was to sit in. Caesar soon came by to shake my hand and he sat down in the other chair. The director started his count down. The camera's lights came on.

"Peeta, I think I can truly speak for the whole of Panem when I both congratulate you for winning and send our condolences for your loss." Caesar began.

"Thanks Caesar. So many people have said the same thing to me in the last couple of days and I would like to publicly thank them all here if you don't mind."

Caesar laid his hand on my arm and said, "I think everyone in Panem wants to know first how you are faring."

"I have been and will always be deeply wounded, and I don't believe these wounds will ever truly heal. What I don't think everyone understands is that wounds can help you, make you stronger, wiser, more determined. I have now inherited Katniss' strength; I suspect many people will be astonished by how she has improved me."

"I was told that you have something you want to show me." I pulled out Katniss' picture and gave it to Caesar, who then turned it toward the camera. The effects on Caesar were dramatic; his eyes turned red and watery and seemed to be on the verge of tears. "Wow, this is Katniss as I remember her, as I think we all remember her, as she was on my show just weeks ago. You did this while you were in the hospital, from memory?"

"Yes, it was the first thing I wanted to do. I just…had to see her again." Caesar called for a glass of water and the make-up people tried to rush in and fix his make-up, but he shooed them away. Someone brought forth a stand for the picture and Katniss' picture spent the rest of the interview between us.

"A lot of people in Panem were confused by the end of the game – first one Victor, then they announce two Victors, then there was to be no Victors, then announced you as the one Victor. Panem has never seen anything like it. And then this whole thing about you being dead for an hour. Can you help us explain any of that?"

"Not really, but I can tell you there was a great battle of wills going on. On one side I was willing Katniss to live and on the other Katniss was willing me to live. Katniss, I'm afraid, always wins."

The rest of the interview went well. We spent a lot of the time talking about what Katniss did and how special she was, which was just what I wanted.

When we talked about me we talked about how hard I had worked to keep her alive. I came off as a saint and Katniss as a modern Joan of Arc. It was amazing. The only disappointment was my thinking about the people who really knew Katniss and them watching this, feeling her memory being used, which it was.

I just hoped the Everdeen family understood why I was doing this.


	5. The Long Ride Home

**The Long Ride Home**

After getting on the train I went directly to bed and tried to get some sleep. I just lay in the dark looking for gray eyes in the dark corners of the room. For hours I just lay there. After a while I got up and wandered around. It was the same cabin we had used on the way to the Capital. I found the hole Katniss created in the wood top of the table and just sat there playing with it. Feeling the hole I could picture that morning so perfectly, every detail. It seemed so much more real than what I am experiencing now. The idea popped into my head that her body must be on this train. Somewhere here is a box with Katniss in it. I started tramping all over the train looking for her coffin. I met porters in the hallways and asked each one where Katniss's body was. None of them seemed to know. Finally I met one who thought he knew where the body would be. He led me to a crate-filled room of one train car. Together we looked over each crate until I found one marked "Katniss Everdeen in care of Everdeen Family". I sent the porter away with a huge tip. Part of me wanted to open the box and part of me just wanted the box to go away. I sat down on the floor and leaned on her crate, I wished I had a stiff drink. "Why am I alive? We took the same poison at the same time and you were in better shape. I told you I wanted to die. I had accepted that fate. I had made my peace with my death as long as you lived. Why couldn't you just let me die?" My hands covered my face in despair.

I heard, "Get up!" At least I think that is what I heard, I was not sure. Could it be Katniss? Why would she be telling me to get up? I tried to picture her in the room, watching me, and in an instant I knew what was going on. If Katniss were here she would have been sick to her stomach watching me wallowing in my self-pity. Wow, I hadn't thought about that, I am sharing every moment of the rest of my life with her. So much for self-pity.

"Okay, Katniss I think I get the message. But if you are going to take my privacy away, I want your company in exchange, okay?" I waited but nothing happened. "Hey, Katniss, I'm getting the feeling I'm talking to an empty room." I waited some more. "Damn, I'm crazy."

Okay, assuming my getting drunk and crying myself to sleep was not an option what should I have been doing now? I needed sleep. I hadn't slept in two days. On my way to my cabin I started thinking about what was going to happen when we reached District 12. There had never been a victor in District 12 during my lifetime. So I guessed there would be a lot of celebrations, speeches, and people wanting my time. But I needed to talk to the Everdeens. I would have to somehow sneak into District 12 and talk to Katniss' mother and sister.

I started hunting for the porter I had overpaid. When I found him I asked to be taken to the train's engineer. The porter led me to the first train car and hit the intercom.

My porter said, "Hey guys, you'll never guess who I got here, who wants to talk to you."

"It better be an official. You know we aren't allowed to bring people up here," rang back from the intercom.

"It's Peeta Mellark the Victor."

The door opened and a very young man in a gray outfit stuck his head out. "My God, he is right, it is Peeta. Come on in."

The control room was small and covered with all kinds of controls and screens, and in the middle were two seats for the engineers. The one engineer was still sitting watching a screen. He turned around. "Holy shit, Peeta Mellark, I knew you were on board but I didn't expect to meet you." We shook hands all around.

"Guys I've a problem and maybe you could think of a solution. Tomorrow about 2 pm we are scheduled to be in District 12 and I expect there is going to be a huge crowd to meet me. The problem is I really want to talk to Katniss' family alone before dealing with the crowd. Do you have any ideas?"

"Oh wow, man, I was so sorry to hear about Katniss. You know we all thought both of you would make it. So what you need is for us to get into the district early. We could press the engines and get there faster, but we have the Mississippi stop to make too and it will have to be on time."

The other man, who had let us in, chimed in. "Couldn't we call ahead and see if anyone is getting on or off at Mississippi stop? Most of the time no one does in this direction."

A couple of calls later they agreed that they could get into the district a full hour before anyone expected us.

"Thanks, guys, I owe you big time. All three of you guys can consider yourself invited over to my house for supper. Just give me a month to set up my new house and then come over anytime you want"

They all agreed I was very generous and I headed back to my cabin. I started thinking I would need to court everyone I could from now on. Every person high and low might be needed from here on out if I had really made President Snow my enemy.

I visited with Effie and told her what I was doing and to let Haymitch and the rest of my crew know what was happening. I would have told Haymitch but I highly suspected he was too drunk for my words to get through.

When I finally got to my bed I was beyond tired. I fell into my bed with my clothes on and instantly fell asleep.

"Peeta, wake up," Katniss said.

"Katniss, please I'm so tired. I've done everything I can today for you and your family. Besides, you have ignored me for almost two days, just let me sleep."

"Peeta, please wake up. It wasn't my fault I haven't talked to you."

I rolled over and say, "Well whose fault was it then?"

"Yours. As far as I can tell you are in charge of when I can appear."

That got my attention. "How am I controlling it, then?"

"I don't know. But many times I say things and you don't seem to hear me. It is really very annoying.", says Katniss.

That got me to thinking. "Did Snow see you?"

"I think so, at least by his reaction."

"Has anyone else seen you?"

"I think the Avox girl saw me sometimes," said Katniss.

"So you think I can make you visible to me or other people at will?"

"It seems that way."

"I'll have to think about that,." I said.

"Peeta, that isn't what I want to talk about. Tomorrow you will be back in the district and you will see my family. I want you to give them some messages."

"Did you write some messages?"

"No. I meant to but I didn't write anything before the games. I'.ve a hard time putting my ideas on paper."

"Katniss, if I pen letters for you they will know it isn't your handwriting."

"I'll help you fake my hand style. Please, Peeta, this is may be my last chance to talk to them."

"Okay, but you owe me a kiss.." I felt Katniss' warm soft lips on my lips for one long, tender kiss, which made me just melt.

"I'm going to open my eyes, okay?" and before me was Katniss, just the way I remembered her, sitting on my bed with our training outfit on. "Let us figure out what you want to say first and then figure some way to fake your handwriting."

I had thought faking the hand writing would be the hard part, but I had never tried to get Katniss to express herself before. We started with her mother and it was soon very obvious she had many issues with her. Trying to get her to forgive her mother even just on paper was horrible. I had to have her tell me a dozen stories of her early childhood just to get her in touch with the love she had felt for her mother. It was very hard on Katniss and she cried a lot, but we finally got her to forgive her mother on paper and express her love and admiration one last time. We added a section to explain how Katniss and I had promised to adopt each other's families should one or the other survive. I tried to get her to talk about her funeral but she wouldn't even talk about it.

For Prim things went much easier. Mostly I worked with her on telling Prim how proud Katniss felt of herself that she could do this for Prim, and how she thought Prim was worth this sacrifice.  
Strangely enough I was the one who believed in an afterlife, not Katniss, so I put words in her mouth about believing she would go to a better place if she died.

After Prim Katniss thought she was finished, but I insisted she add a section for Gale. Of course I had seen her and Gale together many times, and I had to confess my fear and jealousy. She did not want to talk of Gale in front of me and she obviously wasn't even sure how she felt. Again I had to have her tell me a couple of Gale stories before she could feel her own feelings. We penned a section of her admiration and thankfulness to him. In it she told him how knowing him had made her stronger and better able to face this challenge.

I have to say by the end we were both crying. I learned so much about her that night, I was amazed and so terribly in love with her again.

Then we spent hours trying to rewrite it in her handwriting. She was constantly writing the words with her finger on my back as I wrote test versions of each paragraph. When she was happy with my fake I added it to the actual letter.

When we were finally done I felt so worn out it was as if I were back in the games again. Katniss and I lay down side-by-side all cuddled up and quickly fell asleep.


	6. Home Again

**Home Again**

In the morning I heard the porter knocking on my door. When I opened my eyes there was Katniss sleeping right next to me and my heart melted.

"Mr. Mellark, we'll be in the station in about an hour," the porter said through the door.

"Thanks," I said. That woke Katniss, who smiled at me. "Good morning, Katniss," I said.

"Good morning. What are you staring at?"

"You, you're just so beautiful and …. well I love waking to your face." That made Katniss blush. I asked Katniss to turn around and I got dressed. When I turned around she was dressed in the same simple blue dress she had worn on reaping day.

"Katniss, your promise to stay was me was a little hollow, wasn't it? You can't leave me, can you?"

"I don't know. Maybe I can, maybe I can't, but I do know I don't want to," Katniss said.

Waking to Katniss and hearing that she wanted to stay put the first real smile on my face since the end of the games. I pushed away all thoughts of what I had to do today for a while, and just tried to live in that moment. When I finally turned to go for the door Katniss disappeared and I struggled to keep the image of her in my head.

After a quick breakfast I noticed that we were a full hour and half early, so my train engineer friends had done well. Looking out the window I saw the familiar green hills of home and for the first time I noticed how much I had missed them. For my whole life these green hills have looked down on me and somehow I had always thought they were protecting me, so I was so glad to be in their company again.

When the train stopped I jumped off and quickly left the train yard, afraid someone might recognize me. I flagged down a truck leaving the station.

"Could you give me a ride into town?" I asked old man in blue work clothes driving an old truck.

"You're Peeta!" he says.

"Yeah, I need to get down into the seam. Do you know where the Everdeen's house is?" I repeat.

"You aren't supposed to be here till 2. They all got a big party planned for you," the old man says.

"Don't worry, I'll get back for their party. Do you know where the Everdeen's house is?"

"Sure, I can take you there. You want to talk to Katniss's mother and sister, don't you? I'm so sorry for you. We all cried here about Katniss. I knew her father, you know. He saved my life along with 4 others guys the day he died. Yeah, I can take you."

He drove me down into the seam. Out the window I saw all the familiar images of District 12, and somehow after seeing the Capital the sheer poverty seemed overwhelming. So many people walking around in old clothes and they all were far too skinny. Soon we were in front of the Everdeen's shack of a house and I bid my driver goodbye.

I was almost to the door before I thought of what I was going to say. I felt my nerves creep up and I felt the urge to run away. To steady myself I pictured Katniss asleep in my bed this morning again, and I knocked on the door. When the door opened I saw the shocked face of Gale.

"Peeta!" Gale said.

"Can I come in?"

From inside the house I heard a woman's voice, "Who is it?"

"It's Peeta Mellark,., Gale said as he moved aside and I came in.

Inside I found Katniss's mother and sister sitting around a small wooden table holding hands. Both their eyes have bags and are very red. As I entered their eyes widened with surprise. I sat at the table and grabbed Katniss's mother's hand.

I stared into Katniss mother's eyes and said, "I'm so sorry. I did everything I could think of to bring home Katniss. Please forgive me."

"Why do you need to be forgiven?" she asks.

"She died trying to save me. If she had just killed me you would have your daughter today."

Katniss' mother was obviously speechless and just gave my hand a reassuring squeeze. On the other side of me I heard Gale pull up a chair and sit at the table.

"You loved her didn't you?" Katniss's mothers asked.

"Yes, I've loved her for years. I always dreamed I would one day marry her."

"Did she really love you?"

I turned to Gale and said, "I believe in my heart she did, but I know she herself was never sure of her feelings." And I was glad to see Gale accept what I say.

"I've a letter Katniss wrote before the game." I handed the letter to Katniss's mother. "The letter will explain that I promised to Katniss to adopt you two if I survived. I plan to do just that. As far as I'm concerned you two are family now, and I want you to come live with me in the Victor's Village, and help me deal with all of this."

"I don't know," Katniss's mother said.

"Read the letter and think about it, but no matter what you decide I already consider you family. Everything I have is yours. I'll need to get back to the train station soon. I'm afraid many other people here expect to see me at 2. Here, Prim, is the mocking jay pin,." I said as I handed Prim the pin. Prim said nothing. She seemed to be in shock.

As I was about to exit the front door I grabbed Gale by the arm. "Gale, go to the bakery and ask for a job and I will make sure my dad hires you and teaches you how to be a baker."

Gale seemed surprise as he says, "I don't know about being a baker."

"Think of your family. You will make enough money to take care of them all and never have to enter those coal mines. My father will need you because he is losing me. I know Katniss loved you too. I spent years being jealous of you, but that is all over and I want the best for you, because that is what Katniss would have wanted."

As I turned to leave Gale grabbed my arm. "Those interviews, you're playing some kind of game with the Capital, aren't you?"

"Yes. I can't say much now, but with the Capital things …. are, well, complicated. When things don't go the way they expect other people must pay a price."

Gale showed some fear as he said, "You sure you want to bring them into the middle of that?"

"Physically close or not everyone I know or care about is going to have a target on them. My fame is the only reason you or they are still alive. If I thought putting them far from me or ignoring them would make them safer I would do just that." I replied.

When I left the man with the truck was waiting for me.

"You waited all that time for me?" I said.

"You said you had to go back to the train station. How are they doing?"

"They are built of strong stuff, these Everdeens, but they are suffering. Don't you have some work you're supposed to be doing?"

The old man's face went grim as he said, "I also have some debts to pay to the Everdeens and to you too, I think."

He drove me back and when I got there I could see the crowd already forming around the train. I sneaked into the front of the train, made my way back to my cabin and changed into one of my black suits. I didn't need the cane anymore, but I'd gotten use to carrying it. I grabbed Effie on the way out and asked her to stand beside me as I greeted the people. Effie and I made our way to the back of the train. If I had thought Haymitch was awake I would have grabbed him too. At 2 Effie and I walked out the back of the train to greet the people. It looked like the whole district had shown up. There were thousands of them. Way up in front I noticed the mayor, my parents, and my brothers Adrian and Breen. My old group of friends stood near the front: Thomas, Ray, Alfie, Madge, and Delly. Out in the crowd I saw old teachers, fellow students, old customers, and so many others. I waved to them all and called many of them out by name. The mayor got up and made a short speech and then I made a very short speech. I told everyone how happy I was to be back and how much I was going to love to talking to everyone. And lastly, I asked everyone to give Katniss a moment of silence. During the silence everyone put up the three finger salute, and I was so proud of these people. I spent the next couple of hours shaking the hands of as many of the people as I could. I was determined to charm them to death. A few of the dumber people told me they had always thought I would be the Victor. I was proud of myself for not saying anything back. Most gave me condolences for Katniss. None of them told me that they had bet on Katniss, though I expect a lot of them did.

When I got through talking to everyone, I pulled Effie aside.

"Effie, I want you to talk to the Mayor and get the keys for my house in the Victor's Village."

"Which house?", Effie said.

"When I was a kid I would sneak into the Victor's Village sometimes, so I've already picked the Victors Village house for me. There is a brick house with a veranda two doors down from Haymitch on his left. Get the keys and put all my stuff in the house. If you want you can stay there too. I myself will not get there until late tonight."

My family waited for me to finish with the crowd, and then they all congratulated me and we started home to prepare for that night's party in my honor. As we traveled home my mother did most of the talking, about how much she had suffered with worry over me. When we got home I told my whole family I was moving into the Victor's Village that night. This started an argument with my mother about how unkind I was. She tried to draw my dad into the argument and he tried to disappear into the wallpaper, as did my two brothers. I hugged my Father and apologized for the troubles I was causing him, and told him I loved him. I told my two brothers the same, but I added they were welcome to all the possessions I didn't take that night. Finally I tell my mom what I had been waiting my whole life to say, "I love you, from you I received life and from you I learned a lot about how fear can ruin a life." Her face turned deep red with anger, as it had so many times before, but this time she didn't hit me. Somehow she knew I would hit back today. And before I went upstairs to pack what I would take, I told them all they are welcome in my house, as long as they understand it is my house and I'm its master. As I went upstairs I felt a great weight being lifted from me as I would at last be free of the drama my mother presents.

Back in my old room I started packing up all my personal items in a few small boxes. It was amazing how little stuff there was. I picked up a baseball and thought, tomorrow is Saturday, which means baseball with my friends normally. What do you think are the chances they will show up tomorrow and ask if I can play? And here are my school books Do you think anyone is going ask where I am if I don't show up Monday in school? Will they ask for the books back? I had been making straight 'A's this year in school. Do you think anyone is going to ask for the homework? And all these work clothes, ready for me to work in the bakery, should I bring them? And here is my best outfit, which likely is worth less than the socks I am currently wearing. Every month there was a dance at the school and I would wear this each time. I don't think I will go to any more school dances. In my mirror I see a 16-year-old boy and it shocks me as my mind tells me my youth has just disappeared.

There were hundreds of pictures I had drawn around my room and many of them were of Katniss. My dream was always that I would figure some way to talk to her, she would fall madly in love with me, and we would marry. In my fantasy we would have a long and peaceful life with me having my own bakery and many kids. Well I guess she and I might have a long life together, but there will be no marriage, no children, and I guess no physical love.

Who is this boy in the mirror? I don't recognize him. Does this boy have a dead girlfriend he talks to every morning? And did this boy just get through killing several people? And is this boy taking on the whole government and President Snow? Who the hell is this boy and what is his relationship to me?

"Katniss, if you're here I so wish you would just give me a hug. I feel so alone here," I said. It crossed my mind to get drunk and try and cry this sadness out of me, but I tried to remember I must be strong, I must be strong for my dead girlfriend is watching. The things I do for my dead girlfriend.

I took the boxes outside, called some kids from down the street, gave them a little money, and told them to take the stuff to my new Victor's house.

Later that night I attended a big party in my honor in the center of town. There was food, drink, music, and dancing. I sat in the middle of a big table, in the center of it all, and did my best to be charming to all the people who came to congratulate me and give their condolences. I was the subject of many toasts and speeches, and I answered each with as much wit as I could muster.

When I finally left the party it was very late. Someone I didn't know drove me to the Victor's Village, which was good. I'd had too much wine. In front of the house I saw what a handsome house it is. It is huge, mostly brick, surrounded by a large wood veranda, two stories tall, and all lit up. The house was built over 74 years earlier on orders of the Capital and constantly maintained even though no one had ever lived in it. Several times I had sneaked around this house over the years, so I knew it was fully furnished and ready to go. Years ago I had fantasized about owning this house, but now my mind was racing about all I had to do. The door was unlocked and I entered. I saw the huge living room with its beautiful natural stone fireplace on one wall and a stairs off to one side. I didn't see Effie, I was not sure if she was there or not. My guess was the master bedroom was upstairs, so I went up and looked around until I found a large bedroom. It had the largest bed I'd ever seen, with four huge dark wood posts which reached the ceiling. I just turned off the lights and flopped into bed. There I lay for hours, unable to sleep. The last time I looked it was 5 am and I was still awake.

"Peeta, morning," Katniss said, so I guess I did fall asleep.

I opened my eyes and Katniss was lying in my bed in her blue reaping dress.

"Did I do good?"

"Yes, Peeta you did good. Seeing my family tore me apart, but I don't know what I ever did to deserve you."

"You never did much for me, just save my life a couple of times and give me a reason to live," I said.

Katniss got a smile that just filled her face, and slowly gave me a long, lingering kiss.

We spent the next couple of hours planning what we could do together. I explained to her how I planned to stay in people's minds and hearts to keep Snow from touching us. Part of the plan would be to use my art to promote her as a great tragic heroine. Katniss didn't like the idea because she couldn't imagine anyone would go for it. Then I suggested that she could be the ultimate spy.

Katniss finally got excited, "Yes, I can walk right into the mayor's office or the peace keepers building and no one can stop me!"

"With the knowledge you get we'll be able do all kinds of things no one else can. How far can you travel from me?"

"I'm not sure. When you were in the hospital I tried to go up to the 12th floor once and I started to feel very weird."

"So maybe I'll have to get near the buildings we want to spy on, but still I think this is great idea!"

Also, I thought I should be able to control when she could appear. I just had to figure out what state of mind I needed to be in. So I resolved to meditate on this as often as I could.

The next day my door bell rang for the first time, and when I got to the threshold there was Effie. I welcomed her in with my best manners, because I knew how much it meant to her. We sat in the living room and I offered to make her some tea or coffee.

"Peeta, I'm sorry but I'm being called back to the Capital. I don't know why. Normally after the games I'm given some time off, but this year they want me back right away." Effie's voice started to crack as she said, "You and Katniss were just great, you were my little pearls."

I gave her a hug and promised to stay in contact. Then she left.


	7. A New Family

**A New Family**

On the first Parcel Day, early in the morning, I heard my doorbell. When I opened my door there was Katniss' mom, Prim, several bags, a cat, and a goat. The goat seems happy enough, the cat was pissed off, and the two people looked like they had walked through hell on the way to my house. The bags under the girl's eyes spoke of long hard days, and their posture spoke of people just worn out. Dealing with these people might be as big of a challenge as the government or my dead girlfriend.

I smiled and said, "Welcome to your new home. Come in."

When they entered the cat jumped down from Prim's arms and ran away to hide in the house, the goat calmly shit on the floor and the girls just stared. I walked them though the living room, which I sensed was too big for our group, and right into the kitchen. We sat at the little breakfast table and I went to put tea on. "I'm so glad you decided to come. I'm not sure what I would have done if you didn't. You see the reaping and the games took away all my plans I had made for my life, and my promise to Katniss was one of the few things I felt I had left. This house has plenty of room for all of us, and I also have more than enough money, so I think we will do well here. I will give you guys the grand tour of the house and you can pick out your bedrooms. After that I will need you, Mrs. Everdeen, to help me make a shopping list of food and what else we need. Then we will go into town, buy supplies and build Lady her own pen."

After I got the girls set up with their rooms and made a shopping list, we went into town. I gave Mrs. Everdeen all the money and watched the excitement she got just being able to buy things with cash. She kept saying everything cost too much, but I know she enjoyed the feeling of having money. We bought lumber and chain link fencing for Lady's pen and hired a truck to take it all back.

Thanks to all the rocks it took me most of the rest of the day to put in the fence. Prim helped me by getting drinks and tools, but mostly just watched me. After a long while she got around to saying what she was thinking.

Prim lowered her head so I couldn't see her eyes and said, "Did it hurt? I mean did dying hurt?"

Obviously she was worried about how her sister had died, so I said, "No, Prim it wasn't like that. When we took the berries there was a bitter taste, not unlike vinegar. Then you can't see, and lastly you feel so weak you just fall down. It was all over in seconds. There was no pain at all."

Now Prim looks into my eyes and say, "Did you go to heaven?"

"No, I don't think I was really dead."

"Do you think Katniss is in heaven? Do you think she is really dead?" says Prim.

"What do you think?"

"I just get this feeling sometimes like she is still here."

"Me too. You know how stubborn Katniss is. Maybe her spirit won't leave until all the people she loves can come with her." Prim gave a little grim smile, the first smile I ever got from her.

When I finished with the fence it was time to start cooking for supper. I cleaned up and all three of us started on dinner. The girls showed me how to make a stew and I showed them how to make bread. Mrs. Everdeen decided that I should call her Caroline. All the food did wonders for them. Iin some ways I think making the food was even better for them then eating it. After dinner we played cards and tried not to talk about anything serious until Prim went to bed.

Caroline and I stayed up for hours talking about the house and how to organize the chores, and what Prim needed. Caroline said goodnight and was about to leave when she said what was on her mind.

"Did Katniss talk about me at all?"

I started telling her the stories Katniss told me about her mom while writing the letter.

"Yes, she told me several stories. The first one I remember is how you held her all night when she had the measles and sang to her. She felt so safe back then in your arms."

I went on to tell her the other stories Katniss told me, being careful to let her know how much Katniss loved her in those early years.

"Do you think, she really forgave me?"

"I don't think Katniss was ever good at forgiving, but I know she kept her promises, so if she had lived you would have seen someone struggle to forgive, but she wouldn't give up on a promise."

She thanked me for my honesty and went to bed.

That night I listened to the birds and cicadas and watched the full moon make its path across the sky. Here in the district the night sky is so dark you can see the Milky Way. I watched for so long I could see how the north star revolve. I sat for hours willing her back, imagining every detail of her, imagining her in front of me. Finally exhausted I lay down to sleep, and found myself unable to sleep. I got up again and tried again. This pattern repeated many times and on many nights. I would go for days without sleep, but finally I started to see results. Now and again instead of Katniss appearing randomly she started to appear when I wanted her to appear. During the days I often got terrible headaches and panic attacks. When I got a panic attack I would hide myself in the basement. The district doctor's medicines did little, but I found smugglers who could get me powerful sedatives, which sometimes got me to sleep. The power of being able to make her visible by force of will just kept getting stronger. It was so wonderful to be able to see her when I wanted. No matter how bad my problems were I could just hold her hand in bed and be content.

The more I talked to Katniss the more my heart broke for her. My suffering was obvious, but I was the only person she could talk to, or even touch. I knew I must keep her with me as long as possible every day, or she would go back to that half existence she suffered through.

Now that Katniss was around most of the day I kept getting caught talking to myself. Katniss and I had to come up with hand signals to avoid people figuring out how crazy I really was. With my left hand down by my side I would move first finger of the left hand for "I heard you.," second finger for "yes," third for "no," and fourth for "I don't know." So now people thought I was a crazy young man with palsy.

I am sure Caroline and Prim must have seen me acting crazy many times, but it didn't seem to matter to them. Prim took to calling me Uncle Peeta and Caroline seemed always two steps ahead of me whenever something needed doing around the house. Our new "family" lived pretty much in the kitchen. The girls never really warmed up to the living room or dining room.

Every day we would make breakfast and dinner together. The girls taught me a lot of things, like general cooking, how to take care of a goat, and how to avoid getting scratched by that damn cat. I would teach them about baking and art.

Upstairs there was a library with huge windows. Here I had the light I needed for my art and I set up a studio. Late at night Katniss and I would get time together.

Katniss seemed always restless, because she couldn't do anything by herself, so in the basement I set up a work area to allow Katniss a place to teach me how to make and shoot bows. Some days we would go out to the woods. She just loved it there. She showed me where she hid her father's bows and insisted that I learn to hunt. Though she acted like I was such a poor student, I loved our times in the woods, because here she was so happy and, well, "more real".

Prim has many nightmares and many times she ends up in her mother's bed. Katniss would constantly check up on her during the night, and let me know how she is doing. Some nights Prim would be so upset, those nights Katniss would argue we should tell Prim about her, but she always later backed down saying it would just be too scary for her.

Sometimes when my doubt got high and I felt alone, I thought how nice it would be to have someone to share this with. I just couldn't ignore the fact that my reality was so different from everyone else's. Still, in the end, both Katniss and I always backed down and agreed this was just too crazy to share with Prim.

One day I found Prim looking out the window in the library and I went over to say hello. When she turned around I saw she had been crying.

"How are you feeling?" I asked.

"I don't know. I'll be okay for a while and then I'll have some random thought and …. I'll just end up crying. How do you deal with it?"

"There is nothing wrong with missing Katniss or crying. Still, sometimes my thoughts get too negative and I feel I'm going to break down. On the train ride back it happened, I almost broke down, I had found Katniss's casket and just started to come apart. I just sat on the floor next to her casket and started having a fit. When in middle of my breakdown I suddenly felt Katniss presence and knew what I was doing was hurting her, so I just stopped. Since then, I realize I don't have the strength to do what I need to do, but I'll do it anyway for Katniss."

Prim got up and wiped her eyes,."For Katniss, I guess I can do this."

I answer, "For Katniss, for your Mother, and maybe a little for me too?"

"Yes, Uncle Peeta, for you too," Prim said as she gave me a kiss on my cheek.

While I was putting my new family together I was also hard at work charming the whole of Panem. I split my efforts into two fronts: a home front and a Capital front.

On the local front we started a series of dinners. We would invite either the Mayor, some government big wig, or PeaceKeeper officer. I had to train the girls how to charm people, but they caught on soon, and even though I didn't explain what I was doing I think they figured it out.

On the Capital front I would encourage reporters to come to talk, or write to sponsors to keep me in their thoughts. Reporters were easy. They were always looking for angles and I fed them just what they needed.

I contacted Livia Stone about my progress on my pictures and soon she was writing to me every week. I also started getting letters of encouragement from Livia Stone's granddaughter, Tess. Tess Stone claimed that she talked to me at the Victor's party, but I don't remember her.

Not many things would get Katniss excited during these days. There was so little she could do, but there was one thing she did better than anyone else: spying. So I started a series of pictures of the town and each time I would start drawing near either the Mayor's office or the PeaceKeeper's building. While a lot of people questioned my choice of subject matter they didn't stop me. Day after day she would sneak into the buildings looking for information. At first she spent days looking around, until she found out when their status reports were reviewed. Everyday they would review the reports from all the districts in a meeting and she would just listen aghast by what she heard. Katniss, like all of us, thought of the government as unassailable, but it wasn't so. Everyday she would hear of attacks on the government by dozens of groups in all the districts but 12. The government was monitoring hundreds of people and dozens of groups, but still they were many PeaceKeepers a month. So many of the groups took their names from Katniss and it made her so proud. One of the groups, called the "Citadel,"was special. Unlike the other groups, it seemed to have chapters in each district and every report on a group would have a section on how they interacted with this "Citadel". I wish they would say more about the nature of the "Citadel". The reports clearly showed that they thought a revolution was coming, but it also that it would end like the last one.

Through Katniss' spying, we also found where all the listening devices were in the house and disabled them. We also knew the house across from us housed agents to watch our home 24 hours a day, but there is nothing to be done about that.


	8. Hunting for Love

**Hunting for Love**

Whenever possible I took Katniss to the woods that she so loved. Here she trained me to be a hunter.

My foot fell slowly and without noise. I could feel the wind shift direction and knew I must move quickly or the deer would smell me soon. Now my feet moved quickly, but still without any sound, as I made my way around the bush. I still could hear the deer chewing. Still after an hour of tracking I could not see the deer, but it was near. To my left was an opening in the bushes and I knew the deer would have to go through the opening or completely reverse its path. I grabbed an arrow, readied my bow, and started to wait. First one minute, then another, I wasn't sure how long I could keep the arrow drawn. First I heard it move and then I saw its body. The deer ran right into my arrow's path, so my arrow entered in right behind its ribs and disappeared inside its body. When the deer fell I looked over to see Katniss's face. The excitement and joy in her face was unmistakable. "Peeta, you did it! That was just brilliant!"

"Well, I had a great teacher."

I was proud of myself. I had done well, but the real payoff was the look on Katniss' face. Here in the woods Katniss seemed more alive than anywhere else. She just loved these woods and the idea that she couldn't hunt anymore just made her so sad, so she lived vicariously through me. I worked very hard to be the hunter she wanted me to be, and listened very closely to everything she said.

Katniss told me how to dress the deer, and I almost got sick pulling all the guts out. She showed me how to lock the legs together using its own tendons and that was when I notice the weather had changed and the sky was now dark with clouds.

"It looks like we are going to get wet. Well, at least I'm going to get wet."

"Peeta, come with me down by the lake. We can wait out the storm in the old cement house."

Katniss had shown me the cement house down by the lake earlier. It was just one room really, but it should keep me dry. By the time we got there the rain had already started. We started a fire in the ruin's fireplace. The wind was cold and damp and the storm clouds made it darker, so we cuddled in the corner of the room. I cut off some pieces of the deer's flank and started roasting it on a stick over the fire.

"How I miss the taste of food. I would give anything to taste that meat. You can't imagine how it is not to taste things, not even to feel hunger," Katniss said with a pained look on her face.

I tried to say something. My mouth opened, but no words came.

"It's okay, Peeta. Before you came along I couldn't feel anything. For days I wandered around that hospital thinking I was in some kind of hell before I felt you wake up. I just knew you would be able to hear me. Without you I don't know how long my mind would have lasted."

I lay my hand on her hip and I felt a shudder through her body.

"Oh, Peeta, when I'm invisible I can' feel anything. I just want to be normal. I want to feel, smell, taste, as I used to. I want my life back. Peeta, only you can make me like that,., Katniss said with a plea in her eyes.

Looking in the prayer in her eyes I knew I wanted to give her life. In the arena I was ready to die for her and after all this time nothing had change. My hand went to feel her cheek and she turned her head to lay her head firmly in my hand. I could feel the soft warmth of her cheek and the her hot breath on my hand. My thumb reached to feel her lips and her lips parted and reached up for my touch. Down deep I knew my love was making her real. I see in her eyes new strength and I knew I could deny her nothing.

The rain came down in great sheets.

"Peeta! Peeta! Please wake up!" Katniss was yelling in my ear. I tried to make sense of the blurred images I saw and figure out when and where I was.

"I'm okay. Where am I?"

"Peeta, you passed out. You were so pale I thought you had a heart attack!"

"No, I'm okay sweetie, I say as my memory comes back and I realize what had happened. I had never felt so bad and so happy at the same time. I couldn't stop sweating, shaking, and every ounce of warmth was gone from my body. I feel like I had just swum in an ice filled lake. And on top of all of that I couldn't stop smiling. After throwing up I thought I would declare this the best day in my life. The look on Katniss face revealed more fear than she ever showed during the game.

"Peeta, I almost killed you!"

"No it's not that bad, just give me few minutes to recover, okay?"

"No, Peeta, I almost killed you! We need to get a doctor!"

"No! I don't need a doctor. I told you I will be fine just give me a few minutes."

I threw up again and Katniss picked up some wood and put it on the fire. "See, I knew it. I could feel it when we made love, you are stronger."

After that day Katniss swore never to make love to me again, and for the first time she and I start arguing. I knew it was just a matter of time until we did it again, I could feel her need, and of course I knew my own. I couldn't explain what happened, but I knew it made her stronger and me sick.

And now she was so much stronger, she could do light work as long as she was close to me. So I had her read and answer all the fan letters we got. Late at night as I took my sedatives she would work at the desk I had moved next to my bed. Having real work to do and people to talk to, even just by letters, made her feel so much better.


	9. Meet Tess Stone

**Meet Tess Stone**

Early one morning after I sent Prim off to school, my door bell rang. When I answered the door I saw a young smiling girl, maybe 18, and behind her a very large mountain of a man, like 40. The girl was obviously from the Capital, with her fully made up face, white skin, pink lips, auburn hair, and a huge red bow on her head. The man looked like a character from a PeaceKeeper recruiting poster, blue eyed, square chin, with a huge scar down his face, neck, and down under his shirt. The smile on her face was so open, trusting, and sincere I found it hard to believe it was aimed at me, someone who didn't even know her.

"Hello, Peeta.. I am Tess. Tess Stone."

I had to think for a while, but quickly. "Oh yes, Tess Stone. Come on in. How is your grandmother?" Out of the corner of my eye I could see Katniss smiling, as she seemed to be studying my face. I knew something was going on, but what?

"Great, she sends her regards and she hopes we can put together that art exhibit soon."

Tess sat on my couch. Katniss sat right next to her, and the man went to stand against the wall.

"Don't mind Tom. He is not very friendly, but is extremely loyal," Tess said as she gave an unanswered smile to Tom.

"So I guess you're here to see how my art is going?"

"Well, yes, that is one reason I came. And I did bring some presents for the whole family, but really after all the letters we exchanged I just wanted to talk in person."

Katniss just smiled, "You know, under all the makeup, I think she is really very pretty. What do you think?"

I wished I had a finger sign for "What the hell is happening?". I flashed her the yes sign.

Katniss said, "You should tell her how excited you're to see her in person."

"Well, I'm very happy to see you. I've always looked forward to your letters, and in fact tonight I think I will have to re-read them." What letters were we talking about?

"I'm such a poor host. Let me get you some tea, or would you prefer coffee?"

"Tea would be fine."

When I got into the kitchen, I frowned at Katniss. "What is going on?"

"Nothing. You told me to answer the fan mail, so I did."

"What did you say to her?"

"Nothing much," Katniss said with a smirk.

When I came back with the tea, Tess told me she was staying in her own private train car, and Grandma would not let her travel without Tom. When I asked how long she was going to stay, she hinted that her stay was open-ended. Throughout all of this she wore a simple, open smile as if I were an old friend of hers.

When Katniss' mother came down Tess immediately recognized her. She made a big fuss about Caroline and asked if there was anything she could do for her. Tom gave Tess a package and she gave it to Caroline. Inside the package was the dress Katniss wore on reaping day. Tears came to Caroline's eyes. "I found this for sale in the Capital and think it belongs with you." After Caroline settled down, Tess and I went upstairs and I showed her my art. Tess loved the paintings and got very excited about the way they were going to be received in the Capital.

Tess said, "Why don't we take a walk? You can show me some of District 12." So we went outside. As soon as we were outside Tess grabbed my face with her two hands and stared into my eyes. "You didn't write those letters did you?"

"No," I had to admit.

"Was it Prim or Mrs. Everdeen I was talking to?" I said nothing. Katniss was nowhere to be seen. Tom discreetly stayed a ways away.

With a wink in her eye, "Okay, keep your secrets, but they were very sweet letters. We need to talk, and I need you to trust me."

We started walking, and Tess grabbed my arm and leaned into me as we walked. "I never watch those games. No one in my family does, but when I heard about you and Katniss, well I just had to see if it was true. Both of you were so brave and noble, …." Tess seemed on the edge of tears. "I guess I should introduce myself some, since you obviously did not read my letters. Of all the great houses, which once numbered in the dozens when my grandmother was young, there are only 3 now; Snow, Stone, and Book. My grandmother sister was Snow's first wife and likely the only person he truly loved, which has saved our family many times. So technically I am Snow's grandniece, which definitely helps sometimes, but we all live in fear of another great purge. I don't know if you realize it but Panem is on the verge of a second civil war. Everyone in power knows this."

She obviously was trying hard to get my trust, but I couldn't give it too easily, so I started with a test. "What is the Citadel?"

"Wow, how do you know that name? Never mind. As you might have guessed history is written by the victors, and what you learn in school only vaguely resembles what happened in the last civil war. As they told you, District 13 organized the other districts against the capital and was bombed heavily. What the textbooks leave out is that District 13 survived, hidden in a deep fortress, called the 'Citadel'."

"District 13 survived!" I say pretending to be more shocked then I was. The idea that the Capital was lying to us had become part of my thought process.

"They have atomic missiles just like the Capital does so complete destruction was impossible. So they in their Citadel been waiting for a chance for another try at overthrowing the government. Snow uses the name Citadel to avoid even talking about District 13. He lives in constant fear of it."

"So they have agents in the Districts organizing this revolt?"

"That is what Snow believes. He sees all revolt in terms of District 13, and yes, they are likely involved, but no one knows how much. Back to you, the game's goal is to cow the Districts but this time thanks to you and Katniss it didn't work. Snow has already started a mini purge, killing many people involved in the last game, including Seneca Crane, the doctors that worked on you, and many more. Snow was livid about the ending of the last game, and no one knows what is going to happen next, but you are going to be part of it."

"I'm not in the business of politics or war. Right now everything revolves around my promises to Katniss, and the people close to me."

Tess stopped walking and put her face right next to mine, our noses just a hair away from each other. "Peeta, when I heard what you did for Katniss, how you used your love as a weapon to protect her, I was amazed. You took my breath away. When I saw how brave both of you were I fell in love with the both of you. Then you two died….", She wiped a tear from her face. "And ever since then I have seen how hard you worked to protect your family and the Everdeens. It was like nothing I have ever seen before. You are a wonderful boy, you have shown everyone in Panem what we were supposed to be, but things are going to get ugly, and soon."

"I'm sorry, but for me things have been ugly ever since reaping day."

Tess face became very serious, "Peeta, one of the reasons I had to come was to prevent a bidding war on you. In the Capital those in power know they can buy the company of Victors from Snow. I hope to prevent you from being forced into prostitution by being here with you."

"You're staking a claim to me!"

"No, I am just a friend, but I am going to let it seem that I am. Not many people are willing to go against a Stone in a bidding war."

We started walking again. "Peeta, I am going to help you, I promise you, but no one, not even a Stone, can stand against Snow. We need to find a path that gives us what we want while keeping Snow happy. This is the way everyone who has survived in Panem does it."

After the walk I went back home and stormed up to my room, I was sure I had confused Caroline, but I was too mad to worry about that. As soon as I entered my room. "Okay, Katniss what is this all about? What did you say to Tess?"

Katniss said, "Peeta, I love you!"

That stopped me for a second. We had been constantly together for months now, we had made love, I had taken in her family as mine, and in all this time she had never said this. On the other hand, I quickly realized it didn't explain anything. And her attempt at misdirection had made me just want to yell.

"Don't try to get me off topic. What is Tess all about?"

"Peeta, things have changed for me. You have always been special to me. Somehow you have always been there when I really needed someone. When my family and I were starving you saved us with bread. When I became a tribute you conspired to save me, and when I died you definitely brought me back. If I had been just a little braver I would have approached you years ago, but somehow you scared me. I guess I was scared of facing the truth, of admitting how much I owed you. But now you're my life, even more, you're what I would give life up for. Yes, I love you."

"Katniss, I find that wonderful, but what about Tess?"

"Peeta, you have been looking out for me. It is time I start looking out for you."

"So you're hooking me up with women now?"

"Peeta, if you read her letters you would know she just wants to help you."

I started to get angry, "Don't act dumb, she doesn't even know me. She is a romantic fool caught up in the star crossed lover survivor story."

"Maybe, but just give her a chance. What did you know about me when you gave me the bread, or thought up the star crossed lover bit? You fell in love with my face and voice a long time before you knew anything about me, didn't you?"

"I knew your soul, somehow I just did."

"Well maybe she knows your soul too."

"Katniss, I don't want any other woman. You have been and will always be the one I want."

"Peeta, you need so much more than I can give. You deserve to have a normal family life, to have children, grandchildren. You would be a great dad, but right now Tess is just a potential friend. But someday some girl will come along, someone you can make a future with, and if you give her up for me I will haunt you for real."

"But you're what I want. Through you I found a reason to live. This is all because of the day in the woods, isn't it? It might not be the same next time, or if you want there will never be another time, I can deal with that!"

"Peeta you have to understand, when we are apart I only feel half alive. When you hold me tight I feel almost normal, I need you so bad. I don't know if I can deal with staying apart, but I must."

I grabbed her and she pushed me back. "Peeta, your future is out in the world of the living and not here with me. You're going to be a wonderful dad."

This time I slowly grabbed her and ever so slowly pulled her right against me. I looked into her eyes and said, "Katniss, I wanted you to be the mother of my children." I felt a tear run down my cheek and saw one on Katniss' face. Katniss said. "Peeta, it is never going to happen, and I … I wish it were different." When I tried to kiss her she just pulled away and ran right though the wall. I didn't see her again for three days. When she reappeared one morning we both pretended nothing had happened.

The next Saturday, early in the morning as I was still making coffee, the doorbell rang. When I answered there were Thomas, Ray, and Alfie.

Thomas said, "Peeta, would you like to come play ball?."

I said "Come on in guys, give me a minute to change." And then left the room as fast as I could. I was afraid that I might embarrass them with some big emotional outbreak. I had been wishing to do something boyish for the longest time, just to feel young again.

The whole day I couldn't catch or hit a ball. I really was lousy, but I so enjoyed it I didn't care. I guess my friends understood, because they didn't get mad at me no matter how bad I was.

As we played I noticed an auburn haired girl watching us and if it weren't for Tom being with Tess I would not have recognized her. She had removed all the makeup and even found a simple blue District style dress.

Before we called it a day Alfie told me it was Tess who shamed them into including me again in their game.

Alfie said, "I'm sorry, Peeta, somehow after you became a Victor we just thought you were beyond playing in a sand lot. Tess came around and told us how much you missed playing with us and … well, we all felt really bad about the whole thing. For a Capital girl she is okay."

"God I missed you guys."

"I guess I should warn you, Tess made the rounds the other day. She talked to us and she talked to your parents, teachers, Madge and Delly. Tess is determined that all your friends and family support you," Alfie says.

Katniss says, "See, somehow I knew from her letters she was a good girl. Her letters were so sweet, and by the way your letters back where very sweet too."

I went over to thank Tess. "Thanks Tess. Ever since I came back in some ways I've been very popular but nobody treats me, well, like me." Up close, I noticed without her makeup she had many freckles. Her auburn hair hung in one large braid down her chest. Tess just looked so normal, friendly, and yes, pretty. Even Tom was dressed in normal District 12 clothes, though they looked like a uniform on him.

"Doesn't she look nice without all the makeup?" says Katniss.

"Believe me I know, my whole life I've been a Stone and people have treated me weird. That is one thing I like about District 12. Here people think I'm strange because I'm from the Capital, not because I'm a Stone.", as Tess spoke I notice for the first time she had lost her Capital accent.

When the last Saturday of the month came, I found Delly and Madge at my door step. They both asked me to the school dance, and all three of us went. I had always loved to dance, likely because I had always been good at it. So I was always popular at the dances, but now that I was the most romantic, rich, and famous boy in the whole district, the girls just lined up. For the first time all the attention was actually enjoyable. I felt a little bad about watching Katniss just leaning against the wall the whole night.

Through the crowd I noticed Tess and was amazed to see how a simple black dress looked so elegant on her. The dress itself was obviously chosen to match the standards of the district, but she really made it work on her.

I look around and said, "What happened to Tom?"

A joking smile came over Tess' face, "Oh, he can fade into the walls when he wants to."

"Do you think Tom will let us dance?"

"Only one way to find out."

I am a good dancer. I often make others feel as if they are better dancers than they are. And now my fake leg seemed to be working as well as my real one, though I still brought my cane. I just liked the feel of it in my hand. With Tess for once I realized how much better I could be. Her body glided and swayed over the floor as if she were truly lighter than air. Her eyes were fixed on me as if we were alone. She held a smile that seemed always on the verge of laughter. Unlike all the other girls tonight she didn't seem to have any need to compliment or pander to me but seemed to be content to silently sway in my arms. I never thought I would feel this normal, not after the game. Somehow I started to feel guilty; this should have been Katniss I was dancing with, and so when the song ended I waved off doing another.

Later after the dance we spent a few moments outside the school cafeteria, which serviced as our dance hall, just breathing the crisp fall night air.

"So how does a dance in a school cafeteria in District 12 compare to the Capital's grand ballrooms?"

"You would be surprised how many really bad dances and parties I've been to in the Capital. What makes life and parties really interesting are the people and most people in the Capital are bores. My Grandmother knew Snow as a boy and how this all started, and she survived. She is interesting. Tom has survived dozens of life and death situations. He is interesting. People whose only accomplishment is organizing a party are bores."

"You really do like Tom don't you?"

"I love Tom. My own father died many years ago in a purge and Tom has become family to me. I know he never talks in front of you, but when no one is looking he really is great company, and I know no one will ever harm me as long as he lives. In some ways he reminds me of you and Katniss. He is just so brave and honorable."


	10. The Victory Tour

**Victory Tour**

A couple of months later, I stood in the court yard in front of the justice building with my easel set up, doing a quick drawing of the building. My artistic works gives me a plausible reason to hang around here while Katniss does one of her spy missions inside. When I see her come out of the building right through a wall, I get a little upset. Every time something passes through her, or she goes through a wall instead of a door I feel a twinge in my belly. She runs up to me and says. "Peeta, Snow is coming. He is going to be here in two days to see you, just before you leave on the Victory Tour!" We spend the next couple of days preparing for President Snow's visit.

On the day Katniss and I see his large black car pull up in front of my house. Katniss runs out to meet the car even before it stops. I see her slip right through the car's door. In a minute two huge men with black suits come out of the car and check around, before opening the door for President Snow.

I wait for the first guard to almost get to the door, to open it. I say with a smile, "Good morning, come in President Snow and company." The surprise on the two guard's face is priceless, President Snow controls himself and gives no reaction.

"It is a great honor to have you President Snow in my modest home. Let me offer you some food and refreshments." I say as I point to the fully stocked table in the living room. The table is covered with breads, cookies, tea, and coffee. This makes it obvious that he was expected and puts doubt in President's Snow's mind about what I know and what my intentions are.

Katniss comes in, "Two agents outside, and then these two in here. He told them he only expects to be here about 30 minutes and he doesn't expect any problems."

Snow says with no sign of any surprise, "You are so gracious, it is almost like we were expected. Where are Mrs. Everdeen and her daughter?" Snow says as the overpowering smell of roses and the faint smell of blood enter the room with him.

"Oh, I'm afraid they are at school today, they volunteer to help out with some projects at the school. They are going to be so upset about missing you, I don't suppose you carry any pictures of yourself you could sign for them."

"No, I'm afraid not, but that is a good idea."

Just then two PeaceKeepers come down the stairs and immediately go to attention. Their timing could not have been better. "Hail, President Snow." They both say as they go to attention at the bottom of the stairs.

"Oh, sorry President Snow, I called these PeaceKeepers over to search my house this morning. When I woke up I found a broken window in the basement and was afraid that someone might be hiding somewhere in my house." Hopefully their searching my house makes it clear to President Snow that despite the fact I knew he was coming I have no threat for him.

"Well, men did you find anyone?" Snow says.

Both of the PeaceKeepers seem more scared than I am as the one on left says, "No, but it does seem someone broken in last night. President Snow."

"You two are dismissed. How about you and I go up to the study and have a serious talk."

I lead President Snow into the study and let him sit behind my desk and I pull up a chair. "Okay, Peeta I'm impressed, you figured I was coming, and you handled it very well. On the other hand sending the girls away was a bit much."

"Your presence I was afraid would make them so nervous it could be called torture. You got to remember these people are not use to dealing with people of such high station, like you." I say.

"And you are?"

"No, as a matter of fact I'm not, but the net effect of the games is to remove my fears." I hadn't thought about this before but I wasn't afraid of President Snow. It is weird, downright irrational to be this calm around him. I just can't imagine him doing any worse than he already has.

"Strange most of the Victors I have talked to it have the opposite effect. As a matter of fact my people tell me you have insomnia, panic attacks, and terrible headaches, never mind your delusions.", Snow says as he stares intently on me to see how I react to an attack.

Katniss, pushes over some books on the bookshelf, which makes him jump.

"My physical problems are rather dramatic, but I wouldn't read too much into them."

"You know, with him and you so close, I think I could just reach into his chest and stop his heart!" Katniss says with a wild look on her face.

I finger her the no signal several times, and Snow notices and gets nervous. So I try to move the conversation along. "So you came to wish me luck, on the Victory tour?"

"Yes, of course I wish you a smooth tour, but I need to ask you a few things. First off what are you intentions with my grandniece Tess Stone?"

"Tess and I are only friends, with her I hope to share some mutual support that is all."

"I suppose you understand she has bigger plans for the both of you."

"I have been honest with her as I have been with you." Well as honest as I can be while living with a dead girl.

"Good."

"I don't know how aware you are of the effect of the 74th games, but from my vantage point the games were a disaster. In the Capital it caused the population to engage in romantic fantasies and in the districts it promoted revenge fantasies. So now the Capital people are emotionally attached to you and Katniss, thus threatening the natural political order. In the districts they see you and Katniss as indication they might prevail, in conflict with the Capital. The upshot is both of you are potentially a source of civil disorder."

"Tough problem, since Katniss is already dead, and my death really wouldn't help, the typical Capital solution won't work. May I ask what you plan to do?"

Snow gives me a sly smile, letting me know this is going just as he thought. "My advisers say I should cut my loses, and just get rid of you."

I can see Katniss face light with anger, and know she will attack soon if I don't defuse this soon. "I assume you are'nt here just to tell me I'm about to die."

"No, I was impressed with your innate knowledge of people and how to manipulate public sentiment. In many ways you remind me of myself at your age. I too went through an idealist stage. One day you'll free yourself of some of these weaknesses and become a great politician. Anyway, I think your ability to connect to the people can be useful for me. After the Victory Tour you'll come work for me as a spokesman."

"I have gotten use to people treating me as much older than I'm, but I should point out I'm only 16 years old."

"That is part of your strength, people foolishly equate youth with virtue. After the tour you'll spend about half your time in the Capital helping me explain how wise my policies are to the people. Of course I will give you another even grander Capital house and salary to ease the transition." Snow says with a smile that indicates he thinks I might actually be interested in money and position. I don't know if I understand him but he certainly does not understand me.

"Just to be clear, this is't an offer, it is an order?" I say even though I already know the answer.

Snow gets up and shakes my hand, "Good luck on your tour." Then he leaves with his two gorillas in tow.

Katniss gets right in my face and yells. "You can't do it! That S.O.B. is responsible for mine, Rue's, and who knows how many other people's death! Let me kill him! I know I could do it, there will be no wounds, no poison, and his heart will just stop."

I grab a piece of paper and start writing. "I can't talk here; they may have added more devices while they searched the house. We can't kill him here, too much danger for Prim and Caroline. If we do that it, it will have to be somewhere very public with witnesses and far from here." And then I light the paper up and burn it right on the floor.

I walk out the front door of my house and start walking toward the town.

The anger in Katniss face was hard to look at, "Peeta, he is pure evil. He'll control you, use Prim and my mom to make you his puppet."

"You wanted them to be safe and they'll be as long as I'm useful to him. This is what I have been working toward for months. Yes he is evil, but I didn't create this world I'm just trying to keep those I care about safe."

"So you are just going to get up in front of everyone and become his mouth piece!"

"That was the plan from the beginning, what did you think I was going to do? Over throw the whole country?"

"We don't have to cooperate. I can kill him, and none of his guards is going to help one bit!"

"When he dies everyone will celebrate but he'll be replaced by another dictator. I don't know who will rule over Panem after Snow but none of this changes the relationship the Capital has with districts. The games will go on, and I'll be used by whoever rules." When I say that Katniss just stares with anger at me but doesn't say anything. I walk back to my house to prepare for my team to arrive in silence. I can't help but think, "Wow, now I'm getting the silence treatment from a dead girlfriend!" which gives me a grim smile.

I walk over to Haymitch's house to wake him. Only a couple of times have I been over to his house, it is always such an unpleasant experience. The house is just such a mess and smells and he is always so drunk. Some part of me thinks I should take care of him, but my plate is just so full I can't take him on. After a lot of effort I do wake him and then I go back to my house.

In an hour Effie, Portia, my prep team, reporters, camera crews, Haymitch, Tess, Tom, Prim, and Caroline all show up and the big circus, which is the Victory Tour starts. Portia brings along many new suits all continuing the basic black theme with hints of flame, wonderful things actually. Tess attaches her train car to the train and we leave. I see Caroline, Prim, and some of my other friends wave us off and we are off.


	11. The Trip to District 11

**The Trip to District 11**

As the train gains speed the green hills start to pass faster and faster by the train's window. The sight of them leaving makes me sad. Again I feel like I am leaving their protection. The last time I was on a train leaving their protection, I was going to my certain death in the arena, which somehow didn't happen. Now I have two companions with me staring out the window. On the one side I have the auburn hair Tess, who has become my best friend and defender, and on the other side I have specter of my dead girlfriend Katniss. Tess is not talking because she doesn't know what to say and Katniss is not talking because she is mad at me for my plan to work with President Snow. I know Tess wants more from me, but I am not sure what I can give her and if I tell her the truth there is a good chance I will never see her again.

I need someone, I need someone to share these burdens with, could Tess be the one. I don't feel the same way about Tess as I do Katniss, but I feel something and I need her. I can't help but believe that either it will be Tess or no-one. Tess may be my only chance to have a real human companion.

I grab Tess's hand, "Tess, I know you want more from me, and you deserve better, but you must know I'll carry Katniss with me for the rest of my life." The shock look on her face as she turns toward me makes me wonder if I have been too presumptuous.

"Peeta, we all carry people and memories with us, there is not a day I don't think of dad and sometimes I still think I can hear his voice. Katniss was a wonderful girl, I wish I had known her. If I have to share you with someone I can't think of a better person."

I bit my lip, as I look in her trusting face, how can anyone understand me? "It all so very complicated! They did something to me. The doctors, when they tried to save me they did something. I'm not the way I was before and I don't think I'll ever be normal again." I feel tears well up in my eyes and I try to control them. Katniss puts her hand on my back and starts rubbing it. "Peeta, it's okay you'll never be alone."

Tess says, "What do you mean?"

"The doctors, to save me they had to change me, they never told me what they did, but I 've been experiencing un-natural things ever since Katniss died."

Tess seems embarrassed, and can't look me in the eye, "You mean how you hear and see Katniss?".

"You know about that?!"

"I think everyone does, Peeta you have been seen many times talking to her by me and many others. No one thinks you are crazy, not after what you have been through, you are 100 times better than Haymitch and it has only been 6 months, give it time."

"Tess give me your hand." I turn over her hand, so its palm is facing up. "I'm going to scare you, don't freak out, nothing bad is going to happen, but I need you to close your eyes for a minute." She reluctantly closes her eyes. I grab Katniss's hand and feeling it in my hand, slowly lower it into Tess's hand. At first she smiles as if I have told her a joke, but it slowly changes into a confused look as she opens her eyes and pulls her hand away. I don't wait for the questions I don't have the answers to, I just walk away and go to my cabin, to throw up in the sink. In my cabin I lay in my bed recovering from the sickness that follows whatever it is that makes Katniss more real. Katniss lays beside me and we wait to see what happens next.

"You shouldn't have done that. It's not fair to burden her with this. I think you want to sabotage your relationship with her.", Katniss says.

"You heard her she already knows I talk to you, now at least she is'nt sorry for the poor crazy boy anymore."

"She doesn't feel that way about you, you should listen more to her."

We lay in the bed together for a long while, listening to the sounds of the train, unwilling to say anymore to one another. After a while I hear a slow rapping on my door.

I hear Tess's voice, "Peeta, my I come in."

I open the door a little and Tess squeezes through.

"What just happened?"

"You know what happened! Just say it."

"I felt a girls hand in mine! How did you do that?"

"If I told you I don't know could you accept that?"

Tess looks around the room and say, "Was that really Katniss?"

"Do you want to talk to her?" , I say.

"Is that possible?"

"I don't know, I never tried to do it on purpose before. It works best when I'm just waking up, but I guess I can get a bucket and give it a try."

"It makes you sick?'"

"Sometimes it is worse than others, but yes it makes me sick. Now close your eyes and I'll try." Tess sits in the corner chair eyes shut, with more calm than I ever expected. Katniss sit up on the bed and seems an odd mixture of excited and disapproving. I do some deep breathing and clear my mind. "Say hello to Tess, Katniss."

"Hello, Tess", Tess jumps in her chair and Katniss gives a lovely surprise smile. I excuse myself to ensure Tess it is not a trick and to find some more ginger ale for my sick stomach. When I get back they are on the bed together holding hands and talking a mile a minute. I sit in the chair Tess had been sitting in and sip on my ginger ale, and the girls go quite.

"I'm sorry Katniss, I didn't mean to get between you and Peeta."

"No it's okay, I'm the one who wanted you here. I'm living off him, every time I get stronger he gets weaker. A few months ago I almost killed him."

"She is living off you!", Tess says.

"It's not that simple, I just get a little sick sometimes."

"You passed out and I thought you were dead! You couldn't even move for hours afterwards! Even on a good day he throws up at least once and suffers for hours with headaches."

"So you want me to protect him from you! You guys are crazy!", Tess says and bolts for the door. "I need to think!" she says as she leaves. Me and Katniss just stare at each other for a minute and then she too disappears.

"Dam" I say to myself as I realize I may have lost the only real person I thought I could trust with my secrets. Maybe I will have to spend the rest of my life without any living companions.


	12. The Jayhawk War

**The Jayhawk War**

It was very late at night, but I need some ginger ale to settle my stomach, so I went to the dinner car. It is empty as you would expect, I find the ginger ale and sit at one of the tables and just stare out at the night. Now I had no company living or otherwise, not only was I alone I felt alone, so for lack of knowing what else to do I stared out into the pitch black night, out there the whole world seem to have been swallowed by some great beast.

I almost jumped when I heard, "Excuse me Mr. Mellark, do you need anything.", I looked up to see a porter. I didn't recognize him, which was strange I had made a habit of learning my porters. This porter seem old for the job, late 30s maybe early 40s. He had dark hair, and eyes. His build was strong like some kind of athlete.

"It's okay. I got my own drink." I said as I lift my glass. "I don't know you, and I thought I knew all the porters, what is your name?"

"You can call me Marcus. Too bad it is so dark out there. Here in the daylight you would see the huge gray stone monuments to the Jayhawks.", he said as he pointed out the windows.

"Jayhawks, what are jayhawks?"

Marcus sat down right across from me something a porter would never do. "I guess the Great War is not something they teach much anymore, it was so long ago most have forgotten. But early in the war during the great nuclear winter, this whole area was a snowy wasteland. It never snows this far south anymore, but then they had huge snow drifts and the winds were terrible. North of here nothing could live for long so all the people migrated south, including the great tribes of what was then called Kansas. The tribes took the name Jayhawks and traveled south, till they got to here. Here on this huge flat area 10,000 Jayhawks ran into a 1000 Suran supermen. The winds here were too strong to have air support, and the snow formed such huge drifts armor couldn't continue, so when the two armies met they would fight almost all hand to hand. The story goes that when the Jayhawks scouts told them about the Suran's in their path, all the Jayhawks chiefs sweared a blood oath not to leave the battle field until all the Surans where dead. The battle would last 2 days and in the end only about 1000 Jayhawks were alive, mainly because they got lost in the storm. You see normal humans like the Jayhawks were no match for the Surans. Surans had implants in their muscles which made them stronger, and brain implants that not only made them smarter than normal humans, but they also had telepathy and telekinesis. The Surans won the battle but lost half their men and in the next battle 400 miles west of here they were finally destroyed for good. Ever since then brain implants like they used have been forbidden." Marcus paused to let me imagine that terrible time. He spoke almost as if he had lived through it. He must be a great lover of history. Who was this man?

Marcus continue, "The devices themselves where originally designed to help people with terrible brain injuries, it allowed the doctors to "wire around" the damaged parts. So say someone took a poison that attacked brain cells, back then all a doctor had to do is get the toxin out of the person's system, identify what parts of the brain that was damaged and apply the devices to substitute for those parts. Today doctors just let that kind of patient die." It was obvious this was a message to me. But who wanted me to know this? Is this really what happened to me?

Whoever he was he was not a porter. "Who are you?", I ask again.

He put a small square device on the table. "It's okay, no one is recording this conversation, but we don't have much time before someone comes to check the micophones. I was sent here to talk to you. There are people who want to know how you feel about the government."

"You represent the rebellion?"

Marcus leans back to relax, he must have wondered if I would just call for PeaceKeepers when he started, "To say any one person represents the rebellion would be presumptuous, but we do oppose the government, what do you think of that?"

"I would say, how can I trust you?"

"I can tell you a couple of things that I don't think a government agent ever would, and then you'll answer my question. Is it a deal?", Marcus said.

"Okay. Do I really have a Suran brain device in my head?"

Marcus replied, "I hope not, if you did you could read my mind, but yes you have a device derived from one of theirs in your head. Snow threatened the doctor's lives if they didn't save at least one of you and so they broke the law."

"Why didn't they do the same for Katniss?"

Marcus paused and visibly considered his words before continuing, "They did. They saved Katniss's life, but when they told Snow they saved both of your lives, he told them he didn't need both, and to kill the girl."

I control my face, I don't even blink, but my hands rips the fabric of the chair, the train's lights dimmed for a couple of seconds, and I get a shooting pain in my head, "How do you know this?"

Marcus eyes widen with fear, "Believe it or not that is my answer, now about my question."

"Tell your people I'll side with them. You can also tell them I already have a lot of information I think they'll find useful, but I demand all the information you can get on this device in my head."

Marcus glances around at the doors and then answers, "No one knows much about them, it was a long time ago, and time and wars has destroyed most of the information about them."

All I can think of is Snow killing Katniss but I manage to say, "Do any of the stories speak of contacting the dead, making people see things, or Surans getting sick by using their power?"

"Contacting the dead! No, I never heard any stories like that. Yes, they could make people see things. I suppose the effort of influencing others must have taken some kind of toll but none of the stories we have come from their point of view. Have you been able to read minds, move things, or make people see things."

I say with as much frankness as I can muster,"I can't read your's or anyone's minds, but I think I can make people see things sometimes."

"Wow that is amazing! Thanks, I'll go get more orders and get back to you later. For now just keep your ears open for information useful to us. Man, this was the creepiest assignment yet, I just hope you stay out of my head."

He gets up, picks up his device, and just leaves. I calmly nod to him as he leaves, but my hands tingle from the hard grip they have on the chair. I am going to kill President Snow!


	13. Sunrise

**Sunrise**

When I finally got some control of my anger, I know I need to go to Tess. I needed to talk to Tess and make it right between us. The back of my mind tells me this was going to go badly, but I know I must try. I went back to Tess train car and Tom meets me at the door, I don't think I have ever seen this guy not dressed and on duty. Tom looked more pissed off than usual but lets me in, and points at the door to Tess's cabin and leaves.

When I opened the door, Tess is sitting in a chair by the window, in an ivory silk night gown, all red eyed. "Peeta, I don't want to talk now!"

"Tess, I need to talk. I haven't been fair to you, I have asked too much from you, and gave you too little, but I do need you.", I replied

Her eyes widen with anger as she replies, "You have Katniss!"

"Katniss will always be with me, but she is not enough. What I am asking of you is totally unfair, but I am asking."

She walked up to me, puts her face an inch from mine and said, "What future can we have?"

"I don't know, we will have to invent our future ourselves. All I can say is I want you by my side, and I want to be the one you can depend on. Let's at least try."

She searched my face for something and replies, "So you want to be boyfriend, girlfriend, and girlfriend together?"

Finally we are ready for the real question, "Do you want me to leave?", I ask.

She makes me wait for a while and then, "No."

"Well I don't want to leave either."

Tess wraps her arms around me and says, "Just hold me." I wrap my arms around her, for a long while we stand there together, just holding each other. Later, we moved to the bed, both of us I think were afraid that if we said anything we would come up with some reason to leave so we say nothing. It felt so good to be in her arms, to feel normal, to feel accepted, and yes to feel loved. The strain of dealing with all the insane pressure I have been under has taken its toll on me.

We watched the sun rise over those southern plains. The sun put on a grand show, starting with a pale yellow sky, then streaked with scarlet ribbons and finally framed in luminous clouds. The whole time she just layed in my arms. We finally ordered breakfast and eat in her cabin.

Tess finally starts talking to me again, "Peeta, I am still here, but I want you to promise me a couple of things. First, I want to know when Katniss is near. Is she here now?"

"Okay and no. I haven't seen her since 5 minutes after you left the other night."

"Second, me and Katniss need to talk alone sometimes. Third, you must promise me to be honest with me, no hidden emotions, and no big secrets."

"There are a few new things I learned just last night, I should tell you." I started telling her what Marcus had told me last night. At that very moment I started to break my promises to her. I can't bring myself to tell her about my plan to kill her uncle Coriolanus.

Tess looked so sad, she felt the sting of Katniss death too, but she got sad instead of angry, "I wish I could say I was surprised, that my uncle Coriolanus would never do such things, but I know him too well. It all has the ring of truth doesn't it? I am sorry Peeta, my father's story was different, but it had the same ending, uncle Coriolanus has killed so many."

Tess continued, "And I guess that stuff about the device might explain Katniss. It means that she is just in your head and you are somehow projecting her into my head."

"Maybe that is partially correct, but she knows things I couldn't possibly know. She is not completely mental."

"So she is a real spirit, but you project her so I can see her.", she said.

"Something like that, I think."

Tess finally asked the obvious question, "Can you read my mind? Did you know I would stay?"

"No and yes. I think I know you enough now to say you hold on to people. You have put up with a crazy grieving widower for months. I don't know what I would have to do to lose you and I don't want to find out."

Tess says, "You will have to tell Katniss about us."

"That is what she wanted all along, you know. She was wanted me to move on for months, and from the beginning she thought you might be just what I needed."

"For now let us not talk of her anymore.", Tess said. And we went back to snuggling on the bed.

Soon I had to leave to have my prep team prepare me for the District 11 Victory Tour ceremony. I kept looking for Katniss, but she was nowhere to be found. Even if I did see her I am given no time alone from here on as the prep team works on me. My mind is going in too many directions. Should I be thinking about the brain implants and what they are doing to me, or about Katniss and how she will deal with Tess, or about Tess and how it will work with Katniss, or how I am going to kill Snow. In the end it is the implants that win my attention. I certainly can't read minds, that's for sure. Am I smarter than I was? My art is better than it ever was that is true, and my attempts at manipulating people has gone very well. Is that all because of the brain implants? Making people see Katniss is almost certainly because of the implants. Katniss being able to lift things and my being able to touch her are also likely because of the implants. So maybe I could make people see things, not just Katniss and maybe I could pick up things remotely. That sounds kind of neat, and maybe I could use these abilities to kill President Snow without anyone else getting hurt.

When the train pulled into District 11 I could see no welcome but dozens of PeaceKeepers, and they all looked nervous. From the intelligence I got from Katniss I knew why they were nervous, they are being killed. Dozens of PeaceKeeper disappear in this district every month now and only about half of their bodies ever show up again. This district was truly on the edge even more than the other districts. My crew, Haymitch, Effie, and me gather to leave, and Tess runs up to me. "Peeta, I just wanted to say goodluck." And then she stalls as she considers what she should do and then just quickly lands kiss on my lips. It may have been my imagination but I swear everyone sighed. She quickly runs away, back toward her cabin. The big smiles on everyone face, in particular Haymitch, made me mad and I am sure I blushed. I had an urge to hit Haymitch and I swore I would have if he had said a word. The rest of the day was terrible, I was forced to read the speech the capital wrote for me and it stunk. I also had to face the relatives of Thresh and Rue while reading this ugly dribble they wrote for me. Before these crowds I found myself feeling how angry the people were here. In district 12 things are bad, many die every month from being too old or just too poor, but people in district 12 are resigned to their lot, but here they are fuming. After the speech we had a fancy meal and I was as charming as possible, but I just wanted to leave. I am so happy when we get back to the train.

When I get back to the train, both of my girls are waiting for me. And when I grab Tess and rush off to her cabin, I have to run a gauntlet of smiling friends, who all wish me well, but are thinking things that just make me want to yell at them all.


	14. The Girl in the Red Dress

**The Girl in the Red Dress**

After visiting so many districts we finally are down to one more district. In a small nameless train station before District 1 we prepare.

The little girl had on a short red dress with matching red shoes, her black hair was in two pigtails, each pigtail ending with long red ribbons. Her cheeks were large and soft, they were covered by the young radiant skin of youth, but her large gray eyes stared with an intensity unnatural for a girl her age. Peeta had an urge to cradle her in his arms and kiss and tickle that seriousness away but instead got down on his knees and just petted her pig tails.

"You are perfect! You are an unblemished memory.", Peeta said.

"Peeta, what do you mean? I never had such fine clothes! Nor was I this fat!", Katniss replied.

"No, artistic license, but you are perfectly the way a young boy pictured you all those years ago."

I could just picture her again singing just as she did that first day I noticed her.

A worried Tess chimed in, her nerves evident in her jittery speech. "Peeta, are you sure you want to do this? I mean, do you really think it's possible?"

"Don't worry, I'm fine now. If it all becomes too much-" I hesitated for a second, the thought resonating throughout my head.

"If it all becomes too much, I will give you a hand sign," I said, hugging Tess. For the whole Tour she had been so strong, so resilient to everything thrown our way. But now she was weak, fearing for my life.

Throughout the tour she had held me, made me strong enough to face the next angry crowd. The crowds of course were not angry with me, but they were angry.

No, I think each crowd actually looked through the terrible speeches. Once more they saw me as the young boy trying to save the girl he loved. Once more I was part of the tragic tale of the star-crossed lovers. This very sad story they loved, and because of my part in it they loved me.

Now we had one more district to go and then the capital and the end of the tour, and likely the end of me too. One more time I would face the crowds, but this time we will do our great experiment. Though out the tour I have been testing my new found abilities, seeing how far they could go, and if they might help me achieve my ultimate goal, the death of President Snow. It started with Effie and simple card tricks, pick a card any card, was it the queen of diamonds, that kind of stuff. They all became amazed by my tricks, I slowly added more and more people to my magic shows until everyone on the train was watching. I found that if I could picture it in my head I could make them picture it in theirs.

When I first told Tess what I planned to do she pleaded with me for hours to reconsider. She pointed out how many assassinations had been attempted and many of them by some of the most brilliant and capable people, and they all failed. She recounted some of the more famous ones and she included the details of the long painful deaths of first every person they loved, and then the conspirators themselves. She pointed out that while President Snow may be a monster, there were other monsters in waiting if he died. I told her and then showed her things no one had seen since the big war, things only a Suran superman could do, I scared her half to death. I told her I was willing to break up with her in a public way to protect her and her family, but I had to do this. She said she wanted to stay, but if I planned to do this I would have to prove I was capable of really carrying it out.

So Katniss, Tess and I left the restroom, back onto the platform of the last small station before District 1. The station was almost empty, but everyone eyes turned at the sound of the clicking of the small girl's shoes. Tess and I held the girl's hands as we entered the train.

"Oh my, what a beautiful little girl you are!" Effie said as she reached to pet the girl's cheeks. The girl pulled back angrily. "What is your name?"

Tess got between the angry little girl and Effie. "This is my cousin's little girl, Muffy. She is going to visit with me for a while, her mother will pick her up in district 1."

I almost laughed, her name was to be the dignified Catherine and Tess was teasing Katniss by giving her such a silly name to live with.

"What a nice name for such a little girl. We must find some games you and me can play together, Muffy." Effie said as she tried to grab Muffy's hand.

"I don't think you would like my games." Katniss said as she turned her back on Effie and began to walk away.

"Now, Muffy. Excuse her she is tired and a little cranky." Tess says.

"Please Muffy, this is Effie! She's one of the few people who tried to help Katniss, your hero, and me survive the hunger games." I said

Katniss just stopped, waited a couple of seconds, and turned around. Her eyes were red and she ran back to Effie and hugged her legs. "I am sorry!"

Tess quickly explained, "Effie, Muffy is a big fan of Katniss, she knows everything about Katniss there is to know. That is why she is here - she just so wanted to meet Peeta."

"Oh my! Yes, Katniss, I used to call her my little pearl. We didn't get along at first, but I just found it impossible to stay mad with her. She was just so beautiful and strong. My heart just broke on that one." Effie said, and for the first time since I known her, for this little girl, she opened up and talked about the way she felt about Katniss.

Effie and Katniss went to a table and Effie started to show her how to play a card game.

Tess grabbed my hand and spoke. "How are you doing?"

"I'm fine. Let's get the rest of the crew in here and introduce Muffy to them, and see how well I do.", I said before adding, "You know you're going to pay for that name later."

Slowly Muffy started to draw a crowd, she was just so cute, and to watch how well she beat Effie at cards. Everyone was so amazed by such a precocious young girl. Then I saw the haggered face of Haymitch come down the hall, I couldn't help but wonder what would happen next.

When Katniss saw Haymitch face she just put down the cards and climbed out of her chair and ran right in front of him, staring way up at his blood shot eyes.

"Who brought this kid? Get out of my way little girl I need a little of the dog that bit me."

"Thanks for helping Katniss and saving Peeta," said the girl, and put up her arms way up, making it clear she wanted Haymitch to pick her up.

Haymitch looked around the room and said, "Really, whose kid is this?"

Tess answered, "It is my cousin's little girl Muffy. She is a big fan of Katniss and of you too. It would mean a lot to her if you just picked her up and spent some time with her."

"I really don't like kids." But Muffy would not move and he eventually did pick her up. As soon as she was close enough she landed a kiss on his cheek. He tried to let her down but she held on to his vest and would not let go, and eventually he had to sit in a chair and Muffy sat in his lap.

Haymitch now pleaded, "Tess, please take the kid away and let me have some breakfast."

"Oh you are not getting away so easily, just talk to her."

"What am I going to say to a little girl?"

"Just pretend that she is a grown up, who felt that you did something so great, that they had to publicly thank you." Tess said.

Haymitch just stared at Muffy and said, "No one would ever want to do that."

At that I stood up and said "I would." I grab my glass of ginger ale, and raised it. "Everyone! It has been six months since the games, and like a little kid I have avoided saying the truth. Haymitch is a good man. He saved my life, and he saved Katniss life several times. He cared for both of us when almost no one else did. He conspired with me to promote Katniss in an attempt to save her. No matter how rough and repellent he sometimes is, he is the single best man in all of Panem. Cheers!"

Haymitch face went to stone, and he forced the girl off his lap and quickly walked down the hall. Muffy climbed up in my lap and hugged me. "It's OK Muffy. Haymitch is just a little embarrassed by his emotions, and he will be back later. I'm sure he will look back on this fondly."

I knew this could not be easy for Katniss. This was the first time she had been able to interact with people almost like a normal person in six months. For six months I was the only person she could touch or talk to, then there was Tess, but today she was back in the world of the living, at least for a while. The porters just kept bringing me ginger ale, with a little salt, and burnt toast. They knew what I needed from my pale face without my even asking anymore. Today I would not eat any real solid food.

I wanted to talk to Katniss and see how she was doing, but we would not be alone together all day today. So I pushed her away, and told her to go play with Effie some more.

An hour later we were in the main city of District 1 train station. It almost looked as fancy as the Capital's. District 1 was the luxury district so it was wealthy, and shared the artistic sense of the Capital. The differences were hard to find, but everything was simpler and more functional, these were a more hard working people. There were many people to meet us at the train station, and quite a few PeaceKeepers. The crowd seem more subdued than the others, and so did the PeaceKeepers. I assume my fame was not as great here, my girlfriend did kill both of the tributes from this district, and I betrayed them. My guess is maybe 500 people. When "Muffy" stepped out of the train I would have to touch 500 minds at once, until now my maximum was 35, and that wore me out. I could pass out, I could throw up, and maybe I could die, trying to influence so many minds. And if I get past this there were going to be thousands at the actual speech. Tom could carry me away, and the disappearance of the girl could be explained away, but failure would mean I could not kill President Snow the way I wanted to. So I hide illegal powerful stimulants on my body just in case, and steeled my self for what I had to do.

My whole crew lined up to leave and Tess for the first time was among them, her and her little girl. On all the stops Tess had stayed on the train, most people still expected me to be in morning for Katniss. Tess has thought to bring a large silver dress, perfect for a little girl to hide behind if I needed a rest. Tess looked very much in control now, her family had taught her well, how to hide her emotions when she wanted to, in this world stray emotions could get you killed. Muffy seemed very nervous and couldn't sit still, very much like a real child and not a grown woman. I stepped out of the train and waved to everyone, and got a large if not enthusiastic welcome. I had walked some 50 feet when Tess and Muffy left the train, not that I looked behind me I didn't need to, I could feel the huge mental push of the 500 minds noticing Muffy. Now I needed that cane, as I slowed down and almost stumble, I started to feel dizzy, and was sure I would fall, when I felt a small hand in mine, and suddenly felt much better. I looked down to see Muffy holding my fingers in her hand, she was so short she couldn't even fit all her hand in mine. I could feel her mentally holding me up, she was somehow giving me back some of the strength I have been giving her. The crowd loved the picture of me with the cute little girl, I just knew hundreds of pictures were being taken. I wonder what they will make of it later when no girl appears in the pictures.

Me and my crew got in the cars which were taking us to the small stadium which would be used for the speech. In the cars I could rest again.

Even though we were not alone I felt I had to say, "Tess, when we get to the stage make sure Muffy is visible but not up front, we need everyone to see her, but I need all the camera shots of me not to include her." Tess just nodded and the rest of my crew just gave me puzzled looks.

After the long ride to the stadium the sky looked like it would rain us out. This is the first time it looked like we might be canceled for weather and I didn't know what would happen. Would we reschedule or just skip this speech? We had to wait in the cars for nearly 20 minutes while the powers that be figure out what they wanted to happen. Finally the governor of the District came to our cars and told me and my crew that they were going to try and do this, but they would cut it short if the weather got much worse.

So we all piled out of the cars and I was led up to the small staging area set up in what was obviously normally a sports stadium. My crew made sure no hair was out of place, while the governor made a short speech about how exciting the last games were, ignoring the fact that me and my girlfriend had so much to do with neither of their children returning, and then I was told to advance. I went forward to the microphone and Haymitch, Effie, Tess, and Muffy started toward their places in the back of the stage. The stadium was full of people, they cheered me, but I felt they was mostly trying to be polite. And then Muffy came out, and it felt like someone was frying my brains with two hot wires. I grab the microphone and try to steady myself, then slowly I felt better. Katniss was mentally supporting me again, and I try to start my memorized speech. I could see the parents of Cashmere and Marvel on their little elevated platforms, as I droned on about how they did their District proud, when I heard a small cough behind me, and I just stopped. I could hear the whole crowd start to murmur, they were all wondering what I was doing, when I heard the cough again, and I turned around to see Muffy cough again into her elbow. I could not believe it, but it was so obvious! Katniss had coughed! The speech was over, at least as far as I was concerned, I needed to leave right this minute, I needed a reason for this all to stop and right now. So a huge bolt of lightning struck right in the middle of the stage. People ran away in all directions, running into things because the bright light had blinded them, and the huge bang just kept ringing in their ears. The bolt was a replay of the one that killed my dog when I was ten. In seconds I and Muffy were alone on stage, I picked up Muffy and said, "Katniss, I need you to go away now, without any questions, we will talk later." By the time I was off the stage the little girl had disappeared.

I find Tess, hiding under the stage. I stop the ringing in her ears, and hold her tight, for she is shaking so badly, part of it was fear of the lightning and partly was fear of me and my abilities. She says.

"Peeta, are you alright? What happened out there?"

"Katniss coughed!"

"What?"

"Don't you see? Ghosts don't need to cough, people do! I didn't make her cough - she coughed because she needed to cough!"

Tess tried to control herself as she said. "What are you going on about? I don't understand!"

"We have never understood, just accepted the fact that Katniss is a ghost, but all along she has needed rest and sleep. Somehow I just thought she did those things out of habit, but when she coughed it all became so clear, she had the same implant as I did and Suran's had telepathy - the one skill I seem to miss, but what if I had it all along, but the only mind I could read was another with the same implant!"

"That can't be! She is dead!"

"You believe nothing the Capital says about anything, but this you don't question? Katniss is alive, somewhere she has been kept alive but unconscious, a living death if it weren't for the fact she and I have the same implants!"

The PeaceKeepers recovered from their fear and started rounding us up. Tess tells everyone that Muffy's mother picked her up, and I told them I felt ill and must go back to the train and rest. I need to get to the train, to the Capital, and to Katniss.


	15. Author's Notes (spoilers!)

**Author's Note (Spoilers!):**

**Disclaimer**

This story was written for entertainment purposes only and no money was made. The characters contain within belong to Suzanne Collins and publisher.

May 9 - First chapter  
May 16 - Second chapter  
May 17 - Fix some small errors.  
May 23 - Third chapter  
May 30 - Fourth chapter  
June 8 - chapter  
June 15 - chapter  
June 20 - chapter  
June 27 - chapter  
July 11 - chapter  
July 18 - chapter  
Aug 10 - chapter  
Sept 8 - chapter

**Boy this is sad story!**

Yes, the basic idea for the story comes from "He Stopped Loving Her Today" by George Jones. Anyway it is about losing someone you love, and how people deal with that.

All I can say is some people like sad stories, most don't and I hope you did enjoy it.

In the original version of this story Katniss was just a delusion of Peeta, but one that caused him to do great things. In some ways I liked the story but it was just too sad.

**Nightlock**

In the books only 2 people die of nightlock Foxface and Seneca Crane, in neither case do we see the deaths. Neither Katniss nor anyone else claims to have seen anyone die from nightlock. Katniss knows about them from what her father said to her. So no one really knows how fast or how nightlock works. One person wanted to give me a hard time over my description of death by nightlock, based on what is in the books I think what I describe is possible.

Ok, I was corrected again. The death scene of Seneca Crane with the berries was from the movie not the book.

_Is there a cure for nightlock?_ The books never say.

**How did Katniss know Peeta was an artist?**

The same way she knew he could lift 100 lb. bags over his head, she was keeping a watch on him.

**Where is Effie's humor?**

The story was so sad I couldn't see much humor while writing it.

**Notes on** **the** c**hapters**

**The Berries**

Katniss has been awake for a while, when Peeta first wakes up. She has spent weeks unable to contact anyone or feel anything, so she is half mad. When she sees Peeta stirring she know somehow that he will be able to hear her, but she is afraid he might not be able to see her, so she asked for him to keep his eyes closed. When she says she will pose for him later she is not sure it will work at all.

Peeta has gone through a lot too, and is half mad. He had just committed suicide, lost his leg, and lost the one person he wanted to live more than even himself.

**Picture of Katniss**

Peeta starts this chapter in a suicidal state. Haymitch finally makes Peeta fight back and start his mental recovery.

At least one reader was confused by the ugly things Haymitch said. Peeta has been in a suicidal state for days at this point, he is not eating, talking, or responding to the drugs, he needs to face his problems and Haymitch volunteers to be the living face of everything wrong with the world to help Peeta. Think of Haymitch as a punch dummy, something to help people express things they have bottled up inside themselves.

In the books Peeta is obviously a good artist, but in my story I would say he is a remarkable artist.

_Does she really craw in bed naked with Peeta?_ Yes, what can I say, Peeta is a boy and he controls what she wears. For Katniss part you must remember she has not "felt" anything for weeks now and is half mad, so being in bed naked with Peeta is not a big concern for her.

_It doesn't seem like Katniss to put Peeta hand on her breast_. She is desperate at this point, Peeta now believe she is just a delusion if she can't persuade him otherwise she will lose her one contact with reality.

_Peeta's leg:_ I picture it as a very fancy device, much better than what people get now, so it gives physical feedback and responses to request. This becomes important later in the story.

**Crowning the Victors**

Yes Snow sees Katniss during the event, but it is just a fleeting sight and he later convinces himself that was just an illusion.

Here we get a peek at the experience the Capital had watching Katniss and Peeta die.

**Render on to Caesar**

Here we see Peeta again manipulating an audience. We also see the outline of his whole plan on how to survive.

**The Long Ride Home**

Our hero again is suffering, but he is also starting to take control, showing how he can bend people to his will.

It seems obvious that anyone in the games would write letters home, if for no other reason than to feel connected again, but that wasn't in the books so I add it here.

Up to this point Katniss has been something of a classical ghost, but now we see that Peeta is really projecting her. She may be real, but only through him can she interact with the world.

Also Katniss is starting to truly fall in love with Peeta in this chapter. Up to this point she really cared for him (more than she would confess), but her heart is truly melting.

**Home Again**

We get to meet Peeta's family for a few minutes, he really doesn't want to stick around. His mother is physically and psychological abusive and he is glad to see the last of her. She is not abusive because she likes hurting people, but because she always feels she is endangered and inadequate (along with being self-centered). Since she is not a major part of the story we don't say much about this at all.

We get to see the inside of a victor's home, at least a little. I picture them as something like a million dollar house for us.

We also get to see how Peeta is a local hero, like Katniss's father was.

_Where was Katniss's funeral?_ I tried to write it but it never worked.

**A New Family**

Peeta is finally doing what he promised, taking care of the Everdeen's. I give Katniss's mother a name, I have always felt so bad about her not being given one in the book. Caroline and Peeta relationship is like 2 adults, with Peeta in the dominate position, like an older brother. To Prim Peeta becomes an uncle. Peeta works hard here to help the girls recover.

Unlike the books, the government can't keep secrets well from Peeta, since he has the world's perfect spy as a girlfriend. So at the end of this chapter Peeta knows more he did in the books until almost the end of book 2.

Katniss gets stronger in this chapter, but Peeta pays the price.

**Hunting for Love**

Here we show Peeta becoming a good hunter, which is quite a stretch for him. Apparently Katniss is a good teacher, who knew? Actually it is more a case of Peeta being an excellent student.

In this chapter we see Katniss getting much stronger, and Peeta almost dies in the effort. It becomes painfully obvious to the both of them that Katniss is "feeding" off Peeta and if they carry this too far he will die.

Peeta and Katniss make love in this chapter, but while they are both in love with each other, it is too soon. Katniss hasn't fully come to realize her love for Peeta yet and it is more about lust for life than love.

**Meet Tess Stone**

Tess Stone is older in years and much older in experience than Peeta, but is completely smitten with him. Katniss is trying to protect Peeta by putting someone between him and her.

Tess Stone is very good person in this chapter, and rich, and smart, so is she a Mary Jane? I don't think so because she is also a "romantic fool" in love with someone she doesn't even know. Tess is also a Stone and the Stone's and Snow's are all about political power.

We finally introduce District 13 to the story and start seriously talking about the civil war, that is about to come.

Peeta is now starting to act more normal, enjoying other people's company, playing ball, and dancing. On the other hand, he is still holding on to Katniss.

**Victory Tour**

Finally Snow is back in the story. Snow thinks he can use Peeta, make him a part of his political machine.

Peeta finds himself not afraid of Snow because he no longer fears death, and the fact that he has a ghost girlfriend who could kill Snow in a second helps too.

All of Peeta's hard works seems to have paid off, now he can make the deals that will protect the Everdeen's, the price might be his soul.

_How did Katniss know she could kill Snow?_ She knew she could pass through things and she was strong enough to grab things, and put 2 and 2 together.

**The Trip to District 11**

Peeta has finally made the big decision to make Tess his living companion and share with her Katniss. So now Katniss's plan is paying off and she thinks she can trust Tess to take care of her precious Peeta.

Tess for her part takes it remarkable well. Tess has been introduced to her first ghost, and it is a beloved girl friend of the boy she loves, so yes Tess has a lot to think about.

**The Jayhawk War**

Okay, nothing is in the books about how the world got to where it is. We don't even know what year it is.

Suran superman, just a creation of mine.

**Sunrise**

Peeta and Tess are trying to made a go of it. Peeta loves both Tess and Katniss, Tess loves Peeta and admires Katniss. Katniss loves Peeta and trust Tess.

Peeta and Tess are not sure this can work and are going slowly, but they want it to work.

I hope no one sees this as a male fantasy. It is just a situation they got themselves into.

**The Missing Chapter**

Originally I wanted to show the romance between Tess and Peeta in more detail, maybe someday when I am a better writer I will try again. I found the complex love triangle too complicated.

**The Girl in the Red Dress**

Yes, Muffy and Katniss are one in the same, and yes technically she isn't real. Muffy is modeled ofter the young Katniss, but is actually pushed into people's minds by Peeta.

Peeta has learned to master his device and learned to make people see things at will. He wants to use these powers to kill President Snow and being able to make thousands of people see "Muffy" will prove it is possible.

Yes the lighting bolt was created by Peeta (he makes people see it). That is why him and Katniss are not afraid and don't run off like everyone else.

**Why didn't you start the chapter showing Peeta creating the image of Muffy?** I like surprise. When I read a story I like a little confusion and surprise. If it is too confusing and ruins your enjoyment of the story, I am sorry.

* * *

**Response to remarks from a particular reader:  
**

**Reader's comment:**

["Well boy, you have decided life isn't worth living. It took you long enough to figure that out. But while you sit there feeling sorry for yourself, I thought I would come and see how much more miserable I could make you. You know, 23 people died terrible deaths in that arena, and they all wanted to live. And the only asshole to make it out doesn't want to live at all. I'll bet they're all getting a laugh at that.]

Holy crap, is Haymitch an asshole. Peeta's right to pick a fight with him and hate his guts.

I guess what Haymitch is trying to say is that Peeta's alive and he should be grateful for even that. Yet the way he phrased it, Haymitch makes it sound as if the alive position is like getting into some esteemed Uni and Peeta's squandering it so by rights it should go to someone more deserving. This isn't like that at all. Most of the kids didn't even want to be there and are chosen by lottery. Haymitch should know this, being a victor and all.

Urly's answer: You are missing the point, Haymitch is trying to get Peeta to hit him. Peeta has been in a suicidal state for days at this point, he is not eating, talking, or responding to the drugs, he needs to face his problems and Haymitch volunteers to be the living face of everything wrong with the world to help Peeta. Think of Haymitch as a punch dummy, something to help people express things they have bottled up inside themselves.

**Reader's comment:**

[ "Peeta, what do you want from me? I didn't just offer everything for you, I gave it all. I don't know anything about love. I don't know how to love. Every ounce of my being has been given to keep my family alive; I would do anything to protect them, anything! But in the end, I had a choice to make and I chose to risk them for you. ]

Except that she didn't. She clearly knows the concept of love because she clearly loves her sister enough to go along with the love plot if it would mean coming back. She didn't risk them to be with Peeta.

**Urly's answer:** You are taking the words too literal. Katniss at the end of book one would not describe her self as "loving" anyone, she is uncomfortable with talking or even thinking about such matters. She has never told her mother how she feels. She has never told Gale how she feels. She has never told anyone how she feels about anything. Here she is avoiding telling Peeta how she feels about him again and for two main reasons, one she can't figure out her own emotions, two she is afraid that her emotions for Peeta might be used against her. Later in the story I make her face her feelings but this is far too early.

On the subject of risk. If she had just killed Peeta (which she could easily done), her family would never have to worry about food again. By not killing Peeta she could die and the primary source of food and money, for her family, would be gone, which in district 12 could mean death. The only backup plan Katniss had was a goat and Gale. Gale was already struggling to keep his own family alive, so he might fail.

From Wikipeadia article on Katniss Everdeen:

"Collins has described Katniss as being an independent survivalist, lethal, but good at thinking outside the box. Katniss's past hardships (her father's death, mother's depression, and near starvation) have made her a survivor, and she will endure hardship and hard work to preserve her own life and the life of her family. She states herself that nice people are the most dangerous because they get inside of her and that they could hurt her badly when she least expected it. She has shown she will protect those she loves, no matter the cost to herself, as shown when she volunteers for the Games to save her little sister Prim, when she shields Gale to keep him from being whipped, even when it means a lash for herself, and when she stoically decides during her second Games to die to save Peeta. Because the majority of her time before the Games was spent keeping herself and her family alive, she does not understand many social cues and is often ignorant of other people's emotions, such as when she doesn't recognize Gale's hints at his growing affection for her. She has no experience with romance or love other than that of her family, and doesn't believe she wants it. She never actually understands that Peeta was telling the truth when he declared his love for her in the pre-game interview until after the games itself. She also has large trust issues, and does not trust anyone. She plans never to be married nor have children that would grow up subject to the reaping."

First, you start a new paragraph when you start a new subject. This goes for when someone else is speaking. You don't put Katniss and Peeta's dialogue all in the same paragraph.

**Urly's answer:** Fair enough.

**Reader's comment:**

Second, Peeta's survival was a bit of a cop-out. There's all this emphasis on the berries being deadlier than cyanide, so if Peeta bit into one, he should be dead and not conveniently blind. I know for the scene to work about him hallucinating or dreaming Katniss would require him to be knocked out, but why not use something that's already there? Why not have him pass out from blood loss because nobody bothered with a tourniquet? Then you can have what you're looking for without twisting things to fit the plot. Hope that helped!

**Urly's answer:** People have survived cyanide poising, in fact there is an commercial antidote kit for it. Even for the nasty nerve toxins the military uses there are treatments, during the Gulf war thousands of such kits were sent out with the US troops to Iraq.

In the books themselves only one person dies from Nightlock poison and it happens "off cameria". Katniss never claims to have seen anyone die from it, she only knows of it from what her father said to her and it is not clear if he ever seen anyone die from it either. So I don't think we really know much about the matter.

**The End+**


End file.
